It can be scary to make a change when you can’t see how your life will look if you choose a new path. If I change my job, what will the work entail? What will my colleagues be like? Will my new boss be supportive? If I move to a new neighbourhood, will I make new friends? Will my children settle into their new school? And if my relationship breaks up, where will I live? How will I raise my children on my own? I can’t imagine my life without my partner …
All of these thoughts are valid but they have one thing in common.
Fear. Fear of the unknown; fear of loss; fear of making a mistake. Call it anxiety if you wish but it’s essentially the same thing.
The ‘funny’ thing about fear is that it isn’t real!
How can it not be real you might ask?
It feels scary, I’m anxious and my heart is beating faster. So it’s real to me!
Let’s look at the word fear for a moment.
F.E.A.R.
F – Fear
E – Evidence
A – Appearing
R -Real
False Evidence Appearing Real
Our brain is hard wired to let us know when we are doing something different. When we are stepping out of our comfort zone, our brain releases hormones into our body to tell us to be on alert. Danger!
But the truth is we are not usually in any real danger. Our thoughts about change activates a chemical/hormone release to let us know something is different. And because we don’t have solid information, we fill in the blanks from our imagination. It is the story we tell ourselves about what might happen which causes us anxiety.
The first word in our definition of fear.
False = untrue
The second word is Evidence.
Imagination is a wonderful thing. We dream, we imagine, we create and to us it feels very real. Your brain needs to categorise information and because when something changes, information about the future is missing, it predicts the future based on the past.
But there is a big difference between tangible evidence and imagined evidence. Take a moment to check what is true and let your brain catch up.
The third part is Appearing Real
The anxiety we feel about the change we are making leads us to believe that what we are thinking is real.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination so it will react based on what you think is real. What appears real. Reality is subjective and dictated by your perception. Your perception is based on your thoughts about something and therefore although you feel afraid, anxious or nervous, it is simply a physical reaction to your thoughts. And you have the power to choose your thoughts!
So fear is simply a reaction to a story we tell ourselves about what might happen.
What if you were to tell yourself a different story? One which empowers you to embrace the changes which are a constant part of life? What would your response be then?
Fear will keep you stuck. A bit like the hedgehog which curls up into a ball when it sees a bright light. Or the spider in your room which stops still in the hope you won’t see it!
You are powerless to decide the outcome when you are stuck. Events will unfurl around you sweeping you along whether you like it or not.
Your power lies in the story you tell yourself when faced with a change.
The response you choose will determine your reality.
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