Relationships Archives - Page 2 of 3

7 Ways To Manage Mood Swings

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 3, 2016 | Emotions, Relationships

We have all experienced the ups and downs that life delivers; the disappointments that can cause us to doubt ourselves and question those around us; the joys when we succeed at something that is important to us and the sadness when we lose someone or something we love. These are a natural part of life and to be expected.

But what if you, or someone you know is like a yoyo, swinging from one mood to another on a constant or regular basis?

“I hate my moods, they never ask permission before they change”

Sure there is sometimes a physical cause such as PMT or other hormonal changes but beyond this there are a lot of people who are simply tossed around by every little thing that happens, trapped in a cycle of reaction that makes them exhausted and exhausting to be around.

“Beware of mood swings: If you don’t like me today, come back tomorrow”

Finding healthy ways to manage the way you see the world and the emotions that are caused by the way you think, is the key to a life of balance and happiness.

Assumptions Are The Enemy Of Possibility

We each have a unique perspective based on what we have learned, what we have experienced and what has been modelled to us. If you grew up in a family where everything that happened was a ‘disaster’ or where the response to an event was to assume ‘somebody is out to get me’ then you may see life as difficult, overwhelming and think that there is always something bad around the corner.

This sets you up for a pattern of negative thinking. For example, if you have applied for a new job and the company is taking its time to get back to you, you may automatically believe that they don’t like you and that you are not going to get the job. In truth you don’t have any information to go on and therefore assuming the worst is only going to make you anxious and off balance. So instead of pinning all your hopes on this one job, or worrying that you won’t get it, keep applying for other jobs as being proactive will keep you in control of your life and therefore your emotions. You may not get the first job but you will have created other options for yourself so that a minor disappointment will not send you off the rails.

“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between” – Maya Angelou

Its important to step back from your automatic tendency to think the worst and wait until you have real and tangible information before responding. Imagine you have a Rubik Cube in your hand and you are viewing each side from every angle. Now take the thing you are concerned about and do the same. It is a possibility that the outcome you imagine may become a reality but just as likely that the best case scenario will unfold or in fact anything in between. I truly believe that having a positive mindset and hoping for the best gives you the best possible chance of a happy outcome.

Your Past Does Not Dictate Your Future Unless You Let It

Just because your have experienced a particular outcome to an event in the past, doesn’t mean that the same will happen in the future. When you create generalisations based on previous experiences, you disempower yourself to take action at another time.

You may have met somebody for a coffee hoping that you might make a new friend or have a love connection. On this occasion, you discover you have nothing in common, the person is uninterested and cuts you short leaving you sitting alone in a cafe. Just because on this occasion the outcome was uncomfortable, doesn’t mean that you should give up as at another time, and with another person, you may discover exactly what you are looking for. Remember, if you don’t take action, nothing will happen.

“All generalisations are false, including this one” – Mark Twain

There Are Many Shades Between Black And White

I know many people who live in a world of black and white. Something is either good or bad, fantastic or a disaster. The problem with this ‘polarised’ way of thinking is that there is so much information that is being missed. There are many shades of grey between black and white and the truth of any situation is almost always found in the greyness.

To manage your emotions, you must step away from the extremes and look for the subtle nuances in between. A great way to do this is to imagine a situation from the opposite view. For example, you hear from a friend that they are breaking up with their partner. They have a lot to say about the faults in the other person and take no responsibility for their own part. You know this person well and have had times where you have fallen out over small issues. If you take a step back and put yourself in the shoes of the partner, then perhaps you can see that they have probably experienced the same sorts of issues as you have.

Whilst there are two sides to every story in truth those two sides are not black or white but shades of grey depending on where you stand in the story.

“Broaden your view of the world and you will discover possibilities that were previously hidden from you” – Allanah Hunt

Lighten Up And Laugh

Most people who experience extreme mood swings feel things very deeply and are intense individuals. Learning not to take everything so seriously, to let things be what they are and allowing them to evolve, is crucial if you want to find balance in your life.

If for example, you are heading to an important meeting and a bird poops on your head; you have a choice to react with panic, anger and desperation or you can see it as a good omen as they do in Italy. In fact, this seemingly dreadful event means wealth and good luck in Italian superstition and the bigger the poop, the more good fortune you will be blessed with. Learn to laugh at yourself and situations that would have previously caused you stress and you will find that your mood is improved and you cope better with life and the people around you.

“When you lose your ability to laugh, especially at yourself, you are no longer living but dying” – Starla Asher

There Is A Time To Walk Away

If you feel yourself becoming wound up and irritable, sometimes the best thing to do is walk away and regroup. You can do this without saying anything as long as you can accept that you may never have closure or a resolution to the situation, or you can ask for a few moments to gather your thoughts. Giving yourself a break to calm your thoughts and bring your breathing back to normal before responding will allow you to engage your brain rather than your heightened emotions.

“A lot of people end up unhappy because they make permanent decisions on temporary emotions”

Develop Strategies Ahead Of Time

Write a list of things that make you feel calm and learn them as you would your times tables. Having a strategy to relax and gain perspective when you start to feel overwhelmed or upset, ensures that you don’t spiral out of control.

If you feel yourself getting wound up, take a moment to mentally look at your list. What can you do right now to help you regain your balance? Sometimes it’s as simple as taking 5 minutes to listen to a piece of music, to have a cup of tea or to take a quick walk in the fresh air. Aim to include simple things that you can instantly connect to so that you have a great range of tools at your disposal to diffuse any tension or anxiety you feel.

Count To Ten

I used to hear this when I was a kid but it took on a new meaning for me when I found my emotions out of control and I said things I later regretted. Letting whatever is in your head out through your mouth without a time delay can spell disaster for your relationships.

The next time you find yourself with words on the tip of your tongue, take a moment to count to ten before letting them spill out for all to see. Words said in anger and frustration cannot be taken back and although people may forgive you they will never forget. Everyone has a breaking point and one day you may lose someone you truly value by speaking from your emotions rather than from love.

“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out”

Learn to manage your emotions and you will find yourself in a happier more balanced state. Not only will you feel and look better but you will be more connected with the people around you as they learn to trust you again.

7 Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 2, 2016 | It's All About You, Relationships

We have two ears to hear but do we listen?

Most people are so busy trying to talk and tell the world how things are for them they never take the time to listen. You cannot learn anything new without listening; you will forever be trapped in your own reality. Remember your reality is created by your perceptions. Only by adding a new perspective can you open your mind to the possibility of something different. So listening is just about the most important skill you have. Notice I used the word ‘skill’. It is something we need to practise in order to truly connect with others and the world around us.

The biggest communication problem is that we do listen to reply not to understand ~ George Bernard Shaw

Just because you are in the same space as someone when they are talking does not mean you are listening to what they are saying. Active listening involves your ears to hear, your eyes to see and your heart to understand. In truth 90% of communication is unspoken so if you are only using your ears, you are missing almost all of what is being said behind the words.

I know plenty of people who don’t know how to listen. If you ask them what you’ve just said, they can repeat your words back to you – a small part of their brain is noticing that you are speaking and able to process the words – however, every other sense is engaged on the inward conversation they are having with themselves.

They believe they are having a conversation with you but in truth they are using your words simply as a tool to tell you even more about themselves.

In some cases, they are so oblivious to your presence you may not speak a word in 30 minutes or more and by the time you get a chance to speak, they are too busy to listen and must rush.

In their minds they just spent a lovely time in deep, meaningful conversation with you. They go away feeling refreshed and invigorated. Your experience is very different. You blow out the breath you have been holding, roll your eyes and thank the universe they have left. Listening to them has exhausted you. In actual fact they have sapped your energy leaving you drained and tired. Being with them does not add to your life.

If you have experienced this then you will know exactly what I mean. The question to ask yourself is;

“Am I truly listening to others or am I just formulating my next response?”

Here’s some ways to improve your listening skills and to truly hear those around you.

Practise Listening

Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds singing, the sound of the car passing, the laughter of children playing, the rustle of the breeze in the trees? Focus on each sound and absorb it fully. As your mind wanders, give it a new sound to focus on. Practise this as often as you can. Wherever there are sounds to be heard – in the supermarket, in the car, at the school, in a business meeting, at the gym. Places that are inherently noisy are a great way to practise your skills. When there are sounds all around you, it can be very hard to listen.

Process The Sounds

Beyond the listening is the skill of processing the sounds. What would it be like to be the little bird in the nest that tweets for its mother? Or the mother who flies backwards and forwards all day long in search of food for her baby? The rustle of the leaves on the trees let us follow the movement of the air, the wind. Listen to its ebbs and flows for a few minutes. As the car passes your window on its way down the street, ask yourself where it might be going. Who is behind the wheel and what is their story? As you hear the children’s voices in the schoolyard, see if you can identify the game they are playing.

Listening In Action

Meet a friend for coffee and ask her about herself. Ask her for her opinion on something you know she is passionate about. Sit back and truly listen. Listen to the words; listen to her tone of voice. What did you learn about your friend that you never knew before?

Ask your child about their day and take the time to listen to the answer – all of the answer. In behind the words, which seem to spew forth in a constant stream, is their feeling about their day; the perceptions they have created about the way things are supposed to be. What are they not telling you? Have you failed to listen so many times they only tell you the exciting stuff to keep your interest? How are they really coping with school and life amongst their peers? If you do not listen fully, you may miss the quiet plea for help your child may expect you to hear. They may not have the words to tell you what life is like for them as they look to you for guidance.

Empathy In Motion

Empathy is the skill of listening with every part of you – taking every bit of information from all your sensors and really hearing what someone is saying (or not saying). Can you hear the pain behind the words? The passion, the enthusiasm, fear, bravado and joy? Can you hear the response they need from you?

Have you ever experienced a time when you have turned to a friend in your hour of need to find they are so self-absorbed they do not notice? That later when they find out through the grapevine that your father has just died, or you have been diagnosed with cancer, won a prestigious award, or been invited to present an important speech, they phone and ask why you didn’t say anything.

This is an example of the worst kind of communication but unfortunately its one many of us frequently engage in. No wonder they feel as isolated and alone as we do. Each of us is so engrossed in surviving our own dramas we cannot truly listen.

Use Your Intuition

Have you ever experienced what we could call a hunch? A little nagging feeling that you should be doing something? Have you ever been thinking about a friend and when the phone rings, it’s them? Ever had someone you haven’t seen for many years on your mind and then out of the blue you run into them in the street?

People call these coincidences but I believe this is your intuition speaking, that quiet little voice that can guide you safely through life if you only take the time to listen.

Take Time To Be In Silence

Even in the silence there is something to hear if you listen closely. The constant beating of your heart and the sound of your breathing is with you always. If you can hear these quiet, regular sounds that give you life, you will start to hear the world around you with a new intensity. The quieter your mind, the more you can hear.

Listen With Your Heart

Listening, as we have seen, is about so much more than using your ears. If you can learn to listen to the sounds in the silence, you will become more aware of the subtle changes in energy around you. As you do so, you will be listening with your heart. As you begin to tap into the essence within, you will find you have an abundance to share with those who walk alongside you. The world will look much clearer and you will feel connected to everything and everyone around you and you will finally listen to understand.

8 Ways To Move Beyond A Break Up

by Allanah Hunt | Aug 6, 2015 | Emotions, Relationships

When a long term relationship breaks up there are so many changes which need to be dealt with that it can be overwhelming. Many of the things you have taken for granted in your life are subtly or overtly altering beyond recognition. I know from personal experience that even if you believe you have mentally prepared for being alone, the reality can take you by surprise.

What I have discovered over the many years I have worked with people is that because of the intimate (mental, emotional and physical) nature of the relationship with your significant other, there is a connection which runs through almost every aspect of your life. This may seem obvious but what I find is that in fact we often underestimate just how much of our reality is built on the foundation of togetherness. Much of what you understand about your past, your present and most particularly your future is tied up with your partner and the plans you have made together.

The connection which comes as a result of the interwoven life you build together means that when things fall apart you will both be reeling. Now I say ‘both’ very deliberately as although in some circumstances it appears that one of you has moved on very quickly, there is a fallout for both of you. This fallout will present in different ways, at different times and can be devastating.

I see so many messages which talk about ‘letting go’ or ‘moving on’ but no-one really seems to show you how to do this.

Words are cheap and the reality of letting go can seem impossible. We are told that time heals all wounds but I don’t believe this is true. I believe that time simply allows a scab to form which hides the wound from immediate view. Certainly the pain will numb over time but unless you turn and face it, you may never fully recover. And when I say ‘fully recover’ I don’t mean just surviving, I mean living freely in a way which reflects the true you.

You cannot go back to who you were before your relationship because your experiences have changed you. And it is difficult to see how you can continue to be who you were in your relationship.

So where does this leave you?

Well in many cases it leaves you feeling as if you have been thrown off a cliff and you are falling, desperately trying to find something to grab hold of on your way down. You are completely at a loss to know what to do; how to stop the panic, how to gain some equilibrium and can’t begin to think about the future as it is far to scary.

So ‘letting go’ is not the answer. How can you let go when you just know you are going to fall?

You need to build a new and unshakeable foundation for your life. You are the foundation of your life so you need to build your connection to YOU

‘how to heal your pain, understand your loss and build a life of joy, love and promise .…. for women of all ages and most particularly for those who have worked so hard to be the best wife, mother, partner and lover they could be, only to find that the dream they toiled so long to create has vanished into thin air’

A poignant and inspirational guide which takes the reader beyond the pain and disillusionment of separation and divorce to a world of possibility and freedom. A powerful and insightful book which challenges our perceptions and expectations about marriage and relationships. A truly remarkable look at the ideals that women aspire to and the devastating effect that their failure to meet them has on their lives.

Buy The Book

Become Your Own Best Friend

Spend time with yourself. If you met someone for the first time and spent only 2 minutes with them, then ‘friendship’ would not be the right word to describe your relationship. So if you want to make a friend, you need to spend time with that person – you. Treat yourself as you would a brand new friend. Make time, smile at yourself, pay yourself a compliment.

Go Where You Feel Most Yourself

Sometimes its difficult to recognise where you feel safe, where you feel comfortable because your emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Take a moment to breathe and think about a place you loved as a child. Perhaps the beach calms you or a walk through a forest. Getting out into nature is a great way to get out of your own head and connect with the world outside of yourself. See how many birds you can count, keep an eye out for wildlife, breathe in the fresh air and allow yourself to calm.

Get Your Home In Order

The place you live in has a huge impact on your wellbeing. So if you are currently living with clutter, or are surrounded by reminders of your previous life, perhaps its time for a ‘clear out’. Surround yourself with the things you love, even if its just a few photos or a beautiful cushion. Putting your personality into your environment will help you feel good about yourself.

Be Creative

At some point in your life there was something you loved to do. Perhaps you like to sew, knit or scrapbook, maybe you enjoy woodworking, pottery or gardening or perhaps you play a musical instrument, write or sing. Creative pursuits come from inside of you and are the expressions of your deepest nature. Spending time in a creative activity gives you the chance to learn more about yourself as well as giving you a positive focus.

Schedule Your Life

Routine is very important when you are looking to build a foundation. Schedule your responsibilities but be sure to allow time for you every day. If all you have is 5 minutes in the shower then make those 5 minutes special. Buy a beautifully fragrant body wash, give your skin a good invigorating scrub and put on a face mask. You will be amazed how much extra time you can find when you organise your life. Do not sit and wallow in front of the television – do a crossword puzzle or creative activity and you will find your energy increases.

Trust Yourself

If you have children, you know that adding a little more responsibility to their lives, builds more capability. The same is true for you. Set a goal to achieve, something simple to start with and then add a slightly more challenging one each time you master the one before. As you see your successes, you will learn to trust your own abilities.

Learn Something New

This is a great way to grow beyond your present understanding. As you learn something new, the memories and connections this education creates will not include your ex-partner. This is a great way to separate your new life from your old and give you confidence at the same time.

Take Action

The energy required to take action will fuel your mind and body and lift your spirits. If you require nothing of yourself, then you will stay exactly where you currently are. Even if you feel paralysed, overwhelmed and uncertain, taking action will improve your circulation, and give you a sense of achievement. Its not about ‘moving on’ but just about moving.

As you start to ‘see yourself’ and begin to strengthen your connection with you, the connection with your ex-partner will begin to weaken. As you focus on building a new foundation, the past will slowly slip away until you can’t see it any more. Imagine yourself with a lantern. You can only light up the area immediately surrounding you. If you stay still you will continue to see the past and feel afraid of the future. But the minute you take a step forward, the past dims and the path ahead becomes clearer.

I remember hearing Jack Canfield speak. He likens your life to driving across the country in the dark. When you leave your home you cannot see the whole route from there to your destination. Your headlights will only light up a short distance in front of you. But as you continue to drive, believing that the road in front of you will take you to where you want to go, your headlights continue to show you the next part of your journey. Soon your home is far behind you and you may not even know where you are. It can feel scary and somewhat daunting but if you keep driving on trust, eventually you will arrive at your destination.

Life is not a destination but simply a series of experiences that continue to unfold in front of you.

Build on what you know.

Add new knowledge.

Build a strong foundation and you will learn to fly.

To quote Martin Luther King Jr:

You don’t have to see the whole staircase – just take the first step

The Truth About Falling In Love

by Allanah Hunt | Aug 1, 2015 | Energy, Relationships

We see romantic love portrayed all around us in television shows, films and advertising images. But what is it really? Is it the feeling of euphoria when you meet someone new? Is it the physical passion which often quickly follows? Is it the fluttery feeling which occurs when you think of the other person? Is it in fact an overwhelming feeling of warmth when you are with them?

Romantic novels make our hearts race and sometimes our tears fall as we experience falling in love through the eyes of our heroine and hero. The tussle which goes on as they resist their feelings which build despite their best efforts not to get involved until they each capitulate and find happiness in each others’ arms. So maybe this is the feeling we are looking for?

Or perhaps it’s because we want to feel like we belong; that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves; when two become one. A feeling of security and connection which feels like a relief when we find it. As if all is well in our world.

The truth is there are many elements to being in love and the satisfaction of each builds another layer of emotion until our feelings are so strong we feel they will last forever. That we have found ‘the one’ who makes us complete.

But let’s have a look at these layers and discover what’s really happening. You may think that the other person is creating the feelings of joy, euphoria, security and hope but in facts it’s you.

You are the one who is creating the feelings based upon your perceptions of what love is and how well what is happening fits them.

This is probably the most important thing to consider.

How will you recognise love when it comes along?

Surprisingly, it can have more to do with the things you are not aware of than those you are. It’s a bit like a game of pairs. You turn over lots of cards which do not match until the one which does is revealed. Similarly, you have a specific face which is made up of your beliefs, expectations and understanding of how a relationship ‘should’ look. It is these pre-existing markers which will determine the person you fall in love with even if they come in a package you do not expect. You will feel a connection to someone who fulfils the specific needs you have established even if you are not aware of what they are.

There are many needs which a person may wish to have met. They need for security, kindness, nurture, validation, acceptance, strength, beauty, absolution just to name a few. And within those, there are a myriad of meanings to each.

Let’s assume you are female and have a need for strength. This could be recognition of a strength you received from your father you wish to replicate. Or it could be that you saw your father as weak and are looking for the opposite. Perhaps you feel weak or powerless in your own life and feel the need for someone to take care of you. A partner who is decisive or powerful could be attractive to you.

But if you are not standing in your own power, you may attract someone who is controlling and overbearing, ultimately making you feel even more powerless as they strive to meet their need for dominance because of their own sense of inferiority. What started out as an apparent match in fact becomes a nightmare.

Or perhaps you have a need to nurture. You may find someone who is down on their luck attractive as it brings out your maternal instincts. You may gain enormous satisfaction from assisting them to improve their situation and then be completely shocked when they do not show you the appropriate gratitude. But perhaps your nurturing had the effect of making the other person feel beholden, weak or emasculated.

The imbalance of power between the two of you created resentment and frustration leading to cruelty and despair.

These are a couple of examples which may appear extreme but the truth is we attract based on what we put out to the world. Like attracts like even if this is not immediately apparent.

It’s a bit like a magnet where positive and negative are attracted to each other. Two people with the same fundamental need but whose behaviour is opposite will be a match. The power of this recognition can be like a magnet which is almost impossible to resist. Your strongest need is being met and therefore you tell yourself love will conquer all. There is heartbreak ahead for each of you but neither of you recognises the truth because your connection feels so strong.

In fact romantic love is based on an alignment of beliefs, expectations and needs.

And the closer the alignment, or perception of alignment, the stronger the feelings will become. Standing in your full power ensures that you will attract someone who compliments you, equal to equal.

True love includes respect, kindness, independence, acceptance, equality and freedom.

Without these, a relationship will fail as the balance of power tips first one way and then the next until the perpetual motion creates a rift which cannot be repaired.

Learning to live in Power and Freedom builds these qualities in you and as you put these out to the world you will attract the same in return. As everything comes from you, the world is yours to create however you wish. Your perception creates your reality so get clear and attract the love you truly deserve.

Does Having More Friends Make You Happier?

by Allanah Hunt | Jun 3, 2015 | Emotions, Relationships

How many friends do you have?

I don’t mean people you associate with at work, people you know through other people or people you meet at the gym, the pub, the walker’s group. Real friends. People who actually love you and who you love in return.

There was a time in my life where I had no friends, was bullied at school and didn’t get on with my family. I looked around and saw groups of people hanging out together, you know, the popular kids, and thought if only I was a part of them, I would be so happy.

But I was shy, slightly gawky and very awkward around people. My social skills were non-existent and I was genuinely someone people regarded as very strange. I understand the reasons now but at the time, I was heartbroken and would have done anything to have a friend.

In fact, I remember one particular girl at school. I must have been around 11 or 12 years old and I think she was new to my class. I latched on to her and was so desperate to finally have a friend that I drove her away with my neediness.

So back to being alone for me – how I wished to be part of a large group of friends like the other girls.

Whilst at one time I truly felt that the more friends you had, the more love you would find, fast forward to today and I find myself immensely grateful for my small band of loyal, loving and supportive friends.

I discovered that in fact having meaningful friendship with a handful of wonderful people is far more valuable than having superficial conversation with lots of them. It is the real and fulfilling relationships you create with those to whom you have a real connection that will add to your happiness. Quality not quantity.

Case Study

I know someone who believed he had tons of friends. He thought he was super popular and people loved him. When tough times hit, he discovered that the people he believed were his friends all melted away and he was alone. Perhaps they were there for the free food and entertainment he offered, perhaps it was the work opportunities they thought he could get them or perhaps they felt more important by being seen to be friends with him. Reflected glory if you like.

Today, he has very few friends as I’m not sure he trusts many people to get close to him. Underneath the showman, the popular funny man is someone with a heart of gold, someone who would do anything for anyone and someone who is generous to a fault.

He discovered that in fact having lots of friends was a lonely place to be. He discovered that his life now, with just a few important people, people who genuinely love and appreciate him is far happier than it ever was. His ego may have been bruised and his heart broken but today he is more real, more genuine and more content than ever before.

So how do you know who your real friends are?

Take a look around. Notice the people who make the effort to keep in touch, the ones who are there when you are having a hard time, the ones who tell you their secrets (not gossipers but those who confide in you), the ones who greet you with a genuine smile that reaches their eyes and those who when they hug you, you feel genuine warmth.

These are the people to value. These are the friendships which will add to your happiness just as you add to theirs. It is the mutual benefit, the give and take that you are able to offer each other which forms the basis of real friendship.

Guard these beautiful people with your life as you will only ever have a handful if you are fortunate.

In this funny video we see Sheldon from Big Bang Theory using his powers of logic to create a friendship algorithm. He makes a call to someone he knows and endeavours to use his algorithm to set up a time to connect.

Watch what he discovers … just for a laugh x

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How Do You Say Goodbye?

by Allanah Hunt | May 31, 2015 | Emotions, Relationships

Don’t you hate it when people say ‘let it go’ or ‘just move on’? It sounds so trite, so simplistic and you and I both know that when your relationship ends, letting go can feel impossible. Not only have you lost someone you have shared everything with, but also your hopes and dreams for the future. A future that now stretches in front of you in an endless stream of nothingness. A future so terrifying that you cannot begin to imagine how you will live it.

And if you let go of the life you had for so many years, where does that leave you? With all your energy focused on the life you had together, suddenly you don’t have a purpose.

Now that it’s just you, it doesn’t feel enough.

You don’t feel enough.

And so you stay stuck in the moment when everything you knew about yourself, everything you knew about your life and everything you knew about your future, was shattered.

Paralysed by the shock of the reality of the changes you face and feeling powerless to do anything else.

Staying exactly where you are, in some kind of limbo waiting for the pain to end, waiting for you to feel better, waiting for someone to help you, is the most painful place of all. You can wait your whole life away …

Buy The Book

Letting go is hard but sometimes holding on is harder

The only person who can stop the waiting and the only one who can ease the pain, is you. Without you, your life will be controlled by circumstances beyond your control, you will constantly live in fear of what disaster will befall you next.

I think I am afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens

Whether you realise it or not, you already have everything you need inside you. Within you is all the power you will ever need. You hold more power than you could possibly imagine and you can use this power to hold on tightly to what is gone, or to build something new.

Life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance on the unknown or stay behind locked in the past thinking of what could have been.

Your power exists in this moment, right now. You have only to reach out and claim it. Perhaps it is hiding away in a dark corner, covered in cobwebs, lost a long time ago but waiting patiently until you decide to find it again. I promise you that even if you can’t see it, it is still there. You are still here.

Your power is you. You cannot live without you. You will exist – that is all.

I don’t know about you, but that is not enough for me.

If you agree that it’s not enough for you, if you can say ‘amen’ to this statement, then you have reclaimed your power. In this moment you have decided you will not allow this event to define your life. You have chosen to stop being a victim, chosen to stand up for yourself and chosen to be more than you ever thought possible.

This is your defining moment. The moment you say ‘enough’, this ends now …

You do not need to ‘let go’ but simply to take a step toward you. As you become completely connected to you, everything which doesn’t belong in your life simply falls away.

Start small
Take yourself for a walk in nature
Start a journal to record your thoughts and feelings
Try something new
Help someone
Show kindness
Make a new friend

And before you know it, these simple actions will begin to show you who you are. They will allow you to rediscover the person you are and help you define who you want to be. Slowly but surely, little by little you will build a new foundation for your life. A foundation which can never be shaken, can never be taken away from you and one that you can build your life on for the whole of your life.

Do not look ahead but simply focus on this moment right now. Today, in this second you are creating your future. You don’t need to know how it will look as it will unfold before you as beautifully as a butterfly wing. Connect with you, keep you at the centre and follow your heart.

Sure you will have sad days. There will be times when you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Days when you question yourself and feel lost and alone. But when those moments come, accept that they are a part of you just now, allow them to be and bring yourself back to you.

And one day you will discover that you don’t hurt so much. That in fact you went a whole day without thinking about your partner, a whole week without thinking about your old life. One day you will realise you have found peace within yourself and that you can smile again. One day you will understand that you are free from the past, that you have ‘let go’ without realising it and that your life is your own.

This is a day to celebrate. This is the day you will know you have found yourself, found your best friend and that you are finally living. No longer existing as a shell of the person you once were, but living fully, enjoying each moment and with hope for the future. Building your life one moment at a time and open to what the future brings knowing that you are strong enough, brave enough, loving enough, fabulous enough … enough. More than enough.

You have said ‘Goodbye’.

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