Who Do You See In The Mirror?

Who Do You See In The Mirror?

by | Jun 26, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Every morning when my partner gets out of bed to ready himself for work, a small voice calls out mournfully, “that’s not me”, and I laugh to myself knowing he has either passed the mirror in the hallway or seen his face in the bathroom mirror. He jokes that it takes an hour for his face to bounce back to something resembling the image he expects to see.

And certainly there are mornings when I look in mirror and wonder what on earth happened to the young woman who used to look back at me. There are lines around my eyes, my chin doesn’t sit quite as pertly as it once did and my hair is going distinctly grey under the colour I torture it with.

I often say that nature must have a sense of humour as it seems the older I get, the less I can see.

But beyond the lines that time is drawing on my face, I see a woman who is smart, capable, warm and kind, friendly and one who genuinely cares about her friends, family and the world around her.

It wasn’t always this way.

For many years I was cruel and unkind to myself, focusing on the things that weren’t perfect about my body, my lack of tertiary education and my poor background. The woman who looked back at me was unsmiling, overweight, drab and almost invisible.

She was a direct reflection of the person I saw myself to be.

The more critical and judgemental I was toward myself the more my mirror image seemed to fade. Not in a physical sense as there was plenty of my body to go around, but in a way that was nonetheless tangible. It was if the light inside of me was being extinguished and I was becoming a shadow without a voice.

I did all the usual things. Started yet another diet, started going to the gym believing that if only I could lose some weight, then I would be able to find happiness. I refreshed my wardrobe with beautiful clothes as if I could hide myself inside them. Perhaps if I looked good on the outside, then the inside would catch up.

It didn’t work

No matter what I did to improve the way I looked on the outside, the inside still showed through. The person I truly believed I was, the one I criticised constantly, still greeted me each and every morning in the mirror. It really had nothing to do with what number was on the scale, what colour my shoes were, or what car I drove. It all had to do with me. To do with the way I saw myself.

How do I know this?

You may be familiar with this quote.

Treat others how you would like to be treated yourself

It was a large part of the background of my life and I hear it so often over social media and from parents as they raise their children. And its great advice to remember whenever we are interacting with others. I reminds us to be kind, to be loving, to be accepting, to never judge, to be empathetic and to care.

But how does this help you?

Lets see what happens when we move a couple of words around.

Treat yourself how you would like others to treat you

If you care how you treat others, many of whom are total strangers, why are you not caring for the one person who will be with you every moment of your entire life? What a difference it makes when you move a few words around. Imagine if you have been raised with this resounding in your ears? Imagine how different your life would be if you had been taking care of yourself all your life?

So if we go back to the mirror now … what do you see? Do you see someone who has been nurtured with love, kindness and care? Someone who has been praised for the successes in life? Someone who shines with the knowledge that they are important and valued?

If not, then this is your moment.

This is the day you begin again.

Don’t you dare give yourself a hard time for giving yourself a ‘hard time’ all your life. No more self abuse, no more cruelty, no more unkindness.

Its time to stand up for yourself. You do not need to take a kicking ever again.

Imagine you are meeting yourself for the first time. Greet yourself with the smile you would give to a new friend. Lean forward and give yourself a virtual hello hug.

Start by asking yourself a few questions.

  • How are you?
  • How’s your day been?
  • What have you got planned for the rest of the day?

These are the types of questions someone might ask you when you visit their store. Ask these questions and any others you would ask a new acquaintance. Be genuinely interested in the answers. Imagine you are introducing yourself to someone new.

When you get dressed in the morning be as complimentary as you would be to your best friend. Take pride in how you look, smile at yourself in the mirror, put your shoulders back and stride out confidently. Keep reminding yourself to stand straight, look people in the eye and smile.

And then watch what happens.

The more confident you are, the more people will be drawn to you.

And as you smile at others they will smile back giving you a lift and reinforcing your decision to care for yourself.

It will take time to reprogram your brain as you have been behaving a certain way towards yourself your whole life. Keep practising. Keep deciding and each day you will feel a little lighter.

Remember …

Treat yourself how you would like others to treat you

and watch your life change 

How Our Addiction To Drama Fuels Our Lives

How Our Addiction To Drama Fuels Our Lives

by | Jun 23, 2015 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Life on film, television and in our favourite novels is depicted as a series of dramatic moments between characters. Full of conflict, the tension builds as you ride a roller-coaster of emotion until eventually the events unfurl into a conclusion which tugs at your deepest heart strings. The pain and suffering our virtual friends endure would floor the best of us.

But there is something about the drama which keeps us coming back for more. We need to know what happens next, how our hero or heroine will survive the next scrape, who will get together with whom, and who the ‘baddie’ is. And no matter how unrealistic the storyline becomes, we soak up the emotions as we enjoy the ride.

Gossip is like this too. The person who gossips is getting a thrill from the telling of someone else’s misfortune and the person being told feels important to know. It sets up a cycle of emotion that can feel exciting and even more so when the gossip is particularly juicy. It doesn’t matter whether the gossip is true or false as long as it’s as dramatic as possible. The more controversial the story the more enthralled we become.

Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it ~ Brandi L. Bates

We live in a society that thrives on drama, that is in many ways built on drama – you only have to watch the daily news to experience this.

What happens to your brain when you see drama played out on the screen or in your life?

Your brain cannot tell the difference between something that is real and something that is imaginary. So when you watch drama or engage in gossip, the same chemicals are released as would be present if the events were happening to you. This charges your body with strong hormones giving you a temporary ‘high’ in a way which is similar to exercise. And these hormones can become addictive.

What happens is we get used to, almost numbed by the constant presence of these hormones and need more drama to achieve the same result. This is why the storylines in your favourite soap opera have become more outrageous over time. What used to elicit an emotion from you, now leaves you cold. So, the writers need to come up with ever more elaborate scripts to keep you hooked.

Not all drama is created by other people. Sure there are those who seem to live in a constant state of drama but there are degrees and in our current society it is difficult to avoid it all together.

Maturity starts when drama ends

Now you might be asking what this has to do with you?

Well, imagine your life is like a television show. Most of the time life is fairly humdrum, nothing much really happens on a day to day basis. We can find ourselves bored, tired of doing the same seemingly meaningless tasks day in and day out. Can you imagine watching a TV show where nothing happens? The characters get up, drop the kids to school, go to work, spend eight hours at a desk and then leave to do it all again in reverse.

So what do we do?

We create drama to relieve the monotony of our lives. Most of the time we do this without being aware of it. You may be bored and irritated so pick a fight with your partner. Or perhaps one of the kids drops their food on the floor you have just cleaned and instead of handling it calmly, on this occasion you yell at them. Perhaps you call a friend and have a moan about your partner, the kids, your boss at work … this creates drama as you paint a picture to your friend. Because your emotions are heightened, the story gets embellished with your feelings, it becomes bigger in your own mind than it probably is and you believe the version of events you are telling. And if you friend also has a story to tell … well you get the picture. Suddenly the events under discussion take on a life of their own becoming a soap opera in which the two of you are the main characters.

You each come off the phone feeling better. Someone has listened and most likely sympathised with your version of events and you have released some pent up energy. So the next time you feel annoyed, stressed or irritated, you do the same thing. And before long, you forget how to manage your own emotions and begin to become addicted to drama and the ‘high’ it creates. And as a result, you live your life lurching from one drama to the next. Even the smallest thing can be seen in a dramatic way. Your emotions are all over the place as the chemicals in your brain keep you in a constant state of imbalance.

Now you may be smiling as you recognise yourself, or nodding as you recognise someone else. Whilst there is an initial buzz, constant drama is exhausting. It leaves you drained of energy as the chemicals released in your brain actually damage the cells of your body. It also leaves the people around you exhausted as they endeavour to keep up with the soap opera you have created.

Learning to find balance is vital if you want peaceful and meaningful relationships – relationships with others and more importantly with yourself. If you become addicted to drama, you may find yourself overthinking, overanalysing aspects of your life until you drive yourself crazy. Drama is based in insecurity, fear, anger and helplessness. It is never created by love, joy, happiness or peace.

Drama = Stress

You may believe you are reducing stress by getting your thoughts and feelings out but there are healthier ways to do this.

  • write your feelings in a diary
  • go for a walk or a run
  • listen to music until you feel your mind relax
  • have a bubble bath
  • remove yourself from people until you feel calm
  • focus on the great things in your life

Become aware of when you are creating drama. And pay attention when other people create drama. Speak with a calm voice. Provide balance or keep quiet when someone is living their own soap opera. They want to feel the drama, they want to be the centre of attention and when you give it to them, it escalates engulfing both of you.

Take care of yourself by deciding not to ‘buy in’ to the drama addiction. Your life will change dramatically 🙂

4 Ways To Reduce Anxiety When you Feel Afraid Of Life

4 Ways To Reduce Anxiety When you Feel Afraid Of Life

by | Jun 22, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

I don’t know about you but I’ve had times in my life when I’ve been afraid. Not the kind of afraid you feel when a bird comes swooping towards you, or the type of scary that a horror movie brings about but the sort of afraid that leaves you gasping for breath. The kind of scary that leaves you paralysed like a hedgehog in a car’s headlights. The type of afraid that has nothing to do with where you are or what surrounds you, but the terrifying that lives deep within you and follows you everywhere.

Do you know the sort of afraid I mean?

It seems strange that in western countries where we have little to truly be afraid of, no lions or tigers, no soldiers roaming the streets, no exploding bombs, that we can be so deeply traumatised by life that we simply cease to live it. And yet this has been my experience and those of many people I have met over the years. It seems the less we have to be afraid of the more fearful we  actually are.

So what is it that terrifies us so?

In our current culture there seems to be a need for certainty, a desire to understand what the future looks like and to know for sure that we are going to be okay. We are taught that life is ‘supposed’ to look a certain way and when it doesn’t measure up, or we are worried that it may not, we become afraid. But the truth is that life is constantly changing. In fact change is the only thing you can rely on.

So how do we marry up our need for certainty with the uncertainty of life?

The only way is through the acceptance of what is. It is the constant fight against the reality we see, and the uncertainty of what may come that causes us to be anxious and afraid. When we give up the fight and surrender to what is, we have the opportunity to start from where we are and build anew. Fighting will make you feel out of control whereas acceptance puts the power back in your hands.

Be in the moment

If you want to be sad, live in the past. If you want to be anxious, live in the future. If you want to be peaceful … Live In The Now

The past is anything that has happened prior to this minute. We often think of the past as being less recent. Perhaps a few weeks, months or several years ago. But anything that isn’t ‘now’ is in either the past or the future. So the quickest way to acceptance is to live in the present moment. It is the only place you have any power. In this moment you can choose your responses, choose your thoughts and choose your actions.

Focus on what you have

Never let the things you want let you forget the things you have

Being grateful for what you have, rather than focusing on what you have lost or don’t have yet, will remind you of the good that exists around you. Keep your eye firmly on your reasons to be thankful and you will begin to see more reasons to be grateful.

Find joy in the little things

You don’t have the power to make life fair but you do have the power to make life joyful

Finding joy in the little things allows you to feel more joy. Be glad that there is a flower blooming outside your window. Be happy when you hear the laughter of children in the street, at the school or in the supermarket. Smile when you see an animal at play or hear the birds sing. Turn you face up to the sun and breath deeply. Allow happy memories to come to mind.

Give yourself permission to be happy

Happiness is a conscious choice not an automatic response ~ Mildred Barthel

Its incredible to think that we need to give ourselves permission to be happy but for most of us this is the truth. Giving yourself permission to be happy, despite the reality you believe you see, shifts your focus. You will still have moments of sadness but these will be balanced by the happiness that you choose to feel. It really is that simple.

So next time you feel afraid of life remember to find joy in the little things, be grateful for what you have, smile and focus on this moment, right now. As you do, your fear will melt away leaving only the sunshine of your happiness. 

 

The Power Of A Smile

The Power Of A Smile

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Did you know you could completely transform your mood, your day and your life by simply turning your frown upside down and smiling?

When times are tough, the last thing we feel like doing is smiling but the simple act of using smile muscles in your face, sends a message to your brain to release happy hormones and lift your mood.

How big your smile is, can predict how long you will live and is now a subject of scientific studies into happiness. And a smile is contagious so as you smile, so do the others around you.

So the next time you feel sad, take a moment to smile and watch what happens.

The video below lets you know just how important the act of smiling is. Well worth the 7 minute watch x

 

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Learning To Dance In The Rain

Learning To Dance In The Rain

by | Jun 6, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation | 0 comments

You may have seen the quote below so many times on social media that its lost it’s meaning for you. However, there is much truth in this saying.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; its about learning to dance in the rain ~ Vivian Greene

I’ve had some storms in my life, times when I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive. And I’ll be honest with you, the last thing I wanted to do was dance. Some days smiling seemed impossible so the idea of dancing was ridiculous! I’m don’t remember seeing this quote during those times but I’ve seen it a lot over the past few years and unfortunately, the more you see something the less profound it appears. And if you are struggling, the words sound trite and your response is likely to be …

”Whatever – try living my life and then see if you feel like dancing!”

Rainmaking in its purest form was performed by American Indians who dressed in blue feathers and beads to symbolise the wind and rain. In times of drought the American Indians offered to perform a rain dance for the settlers in return for trade items. Storms and rain were reasons to celebrate.

In our western culture we have chosen to see the rain as something to be avoided. We put on our coats, huddle under umbrellas or in doorways and wait for the rain to pass. Only when the rain completely stops and we feel safe do we consider emerging again.

But what if the next time it raines, you decide to embrace it, choose to let it wash over you, throw your hands up and dance?

I will never forget the first time I did this. I was staying in a holiday home by the beach with my partner and we were woken at 3am by the sound of a storm. It was the most delicious sound as the waves lashed the shore, the rain hit the windows and the wind howled outside.

In a moment of spontaneity we ran outside to stand on the deck in the pouring rain as lightning flashed illuminating the spray of the waves. Every sense in our bodies were awake, alive and connected to nature and to each other. It was a magical moment neither of us have ever forgotten and one of our best times together. The power of the storm created a memory which will stay with us forever.

Life is like that. Understand that the storms of life are only here for a moment and will soon pass, washing away the pain of the past and transforming you from the inside into a person who sparkles in the light. The memory may stay with you forever but you can choose how to see that memory. As one of pain and despair or as a dance of celebration.

There is nothing to fear from the rain. It is simply a moment of cleansing which allows you to grow beyond your current understanding. Rain prepares you to accept the new and wonderful experiences which are yet to come.

Your dance in the rain shows your willingness to cleanse away the pain of the past and to embrace a future bright with promise. So rather than huddling in the corner, waiting until it feels safe enough to take a step forward, why not embrace the storm and learn to dance! x

 

5 Ways To Let Your Light Shine

5 Ways To Let Your Light Shine

by | Jun 6, 2015 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Are you hiding yourself away for fear that if someone sees you, they won’t like you?

As I walk around in public places I see many people who although their body is present, the rest of them seems to be missing. They walk with their body stooped, rounding their shoulders as if to hide themselves. Their eyes look at the ground and although they glance up to see that they are in the right place, their eyes skitter away from contact with others so quickly its as if they expect to be rejected.

I love to touch someone else with a smile or hello, to brighten my day and theirs with a simple connection but many people are unwilling to participate.

What about you?

People are attracted to confidence and the truth is that if you shine your light other people will see your beauty and reflect it back to you.

I have a little experiment I would love you to participate in.

Next time you visit a shopping mall, pick up your kids from school or find yourself in any public place, try these 5 ideas and see what happens.

1. Realign your body

One of the most notable things about people who appear confident is their posture. They walk with their shoulders back, with their ribs lifted out of their belly and the back of their head in alignment with their spine. With your body straight you can breath more easily, you feel lighter and your walk is smoother.   This is such a simple way to appear confident even when you’re not feeling it. Try it in the mirror and see how different you feel when your body in in alignment.

2. Smile deliberately

 A smile makes all the difference in how you feel as well as how others respond to you. You don’t have to have a fixed wide smile but simply being aware of whether
your mouth tilts up at the corners or down can make all the difference. Even if your mouth naturally appears to droop at the corners, you can improve your smile muscles with a little practice. Go to the mirror and smile at yourself until you can do it without feeling awkward. Until you want to smile in return.

3. Make Eye Contact

If you have avoided eye contact with people for many years it may feel like a
challenge to lift your eyes and look around. Certainly you will see plenty of people who have no desire to look up but there are some great opportunities to meet someones eye with a ready smile in your own neighbourhood. Children will almost always meet your eye as they are naturally curious.

4. Think of a happy memory

When you think of a happy memory not only do the corners of your mouth lift but your eyes start to sparkle. Just the thought of happiness can transport you back to that moment and connect you to the feeling of joy. Gather some memories which bring a smile to your face and keep them front of mind. You will find that you can smile naturally and confidently when you can remember these throughout your day. When your eyes sparkle there is an aliveness that others can see and want to be around.

5. Expect to be liked

One of the fastest ways to let your light shine is to expect to be liked. If you are hiding then people will not see you. If you use the steps above and then choose to be likeable, you will find that people react differently toward you. I find that most people are perfectly willing to meet my eye with a ready smile but I know that this largely comes from me. It is my willingness to smile at them, to make their day a little brighter that brings it back to me.

Summary

It is the actions you take, the choices you make which create your reality. So if you want people to see you, if you want the opportunity to make a new friend, then you must be open to letting your light shine.

I can promise you it is worth the initial effort as the rewards far outweigh any embarrassment you may feel when you first start. And as you see others respond to your beautiful light, you will naturally become the light for others to see. x

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