Manifestation Archives - Page 4 of 7

The Magic Of An Unexpected Moment

by Allanah Hunt | Apr 19, 2016 | It's All About You, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

I had a plan today to sit this evening and write my weekly article, to publish my latest blog to share with you.

Funny how the best laid plans can suddenly go awry

Or more correctly, in my case, simply change.

This morning I boarded a bus bound for a town which lies three hours from my home. I am staying with a friend for the next few days and arranged to meet her at approximately 1.30pm. As my partner was giving me a ride to the bus station, I in fact caught a much earlier bus than originally planned.

Arriving at my destination at just after 11am, I find myself sitting in a cafe at the local supermarket with a couple of hours to spare. In my case, this interlude was not entirely unexpected but I had underestimated the amount of time I would need to fill before meeting my friend.

So here I sit, listening to Elton John on the radio, surrounded by people having lunch, their voices murmuring, rising and falling with conversation, the occasional shriek coming from a young child who feels momentarily neglected, and the blare of six television screens advertising a video game, music album for sale and latest product that the supermarket urges me to purchase.

Tucked into a cosy corner with my laptop on the table in front of me, I write these words and think about the benefits of unexpected moments. Those moments where, as Robert Burns once said, ‘the best laid schemes of mice and men’ simply do not come together perfectly.

Sometimes the best and most memorable moments in life are those ones which come unexpectedly and take your breath away – Allanah Hunt

Not that this particular moment is anything extraordinary or as yet incredible.

I don’t know how the rest of my day will go, I will never see again the faces which currently surround me, perhaps this moment in time will slither away into the far recesses of my mind, never to be remembered and yet right here and now, I embrace this moment as an unexpected gift.

I could stand outside in the cold and curse the fact that my partner’s work schedule meant that I had to catch an earlier bus. I could pace around, bored and irritated as I await my friend’s arrival such that when I see her, I have wound myself up and spoil our time together.

Instead I choose to take this moment as a brilliant chance to write my article sooner in the day, to free up my evening to spend with my friend, to have the chance to do both with passion and presence.

If not for this moment in time, I would probably have to make a choice.

Spend time with my friend or … write my blog.

Thanks to this moment, I can do both.

Perhaps I could have taken advantage of the time on the bus to write my article.

This morning before I left home, I purchased an ebook to read on the trip. In my rush to leave the house however, I forgot to go to my Kindle app and actually download the book to my device. With no Wifi on the bus, and with the knowledge that reading a print book (which I had in my bag) would make me nauseous, I instead went back through the various books I had stored on my iPad.

I found one I had started several months ago but never finished and its message reminded me of some principles that we can apply to our lives everyday. The power of choice is ours in each and every moment even when we forget to actively use it.

So with these words ringing in my ears, I made a choice to use these few precious moments wisely. To not only find a quiet spot to write but to use my experiences of today to demonstrate clearly the gifts and opportunities that constantly surround us if only we are open to embracing them.

If I had taken a wee bit more time this morning to download the new ebook, I would have missed the clear and concise reminders in the book I read instead

If not for my partner’s work schedule, I would have caught a later bus and instead of having this fabulous moment in time to write my article, I would have felt torn later today when I know I would have chosen time with my friend over writing my article. My stress levels would have risen as I know I have a full day of work ahead of me tomorrow and finding space to write would have been a challenge.

Instead, I have been offered a gift. A precious couple of unexpected clear hours in which to clarify my thoughts, to compose this article and to enable me to focus on my time with my friend for the rest of the day.

How many precious moments do we miss as we doggedly follow a schedule?

How often do we choose to be irritated when things don’t go exactly as planned instead of looking for the possibilities that exist within the unknown?

What if we make a different choice?

What if instead of trying to control everything around us, we learned to embrace each and every moment along the way? To allow life to unfold in front of us, to embrace the unexpected and live in spontaneity?

What if instead of feeling stress in those unexpected moments we embrace them as a gift?

What might we discover then?

Who might you meet as you find yourself in an unfamiliar place?

What discoveries might you make as you wander off the well worn path and for just a moment in time, find yourself suspended in an unexpected moment?

Those people you meet, those faces you see may in fact provide inspiration for your next business idea. The break from your schedule may just put you in the path of an opportunity you may never have discovered on your own.

One unexpected moment that you decide to embrace could have the power to change your life for the better.

What will you do the next time you find yourself with time on your hands?

How will you treat the time you would perhaps have previously seen as wasted or unproductive?

Time whilst you wait. Time to fill. Time that you will never have again …

What If You Just Said Yes?

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 16, 2016 | It's All About You, Manifestation

Are you one of those people who automatically worries about trying something new? Someone who if you feel like something might be out of your comfort zone, you tend to shy away?

We all have occasions when we have an opportunity to extend ourselves and certainly not every situation is appropriate to say yes to. However, there are times when saying yes, despite any uncertainty you might feel at the tim, exactly the road to a new and wonderful experience.

Sir Richard Branson sums this up perfectly when he says:

If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later – Sir Richard Branson

It takes courage to say yes to something that you haven’t done before, bravery to take a leap of faith and a strong heart to believe in yourself enough to take a chance on your ability to figure out whatever you need to learn, whatever you need to do, to rise to the next level.

Here’s the thing.

When you say no, you know exactly what the outcome will be. You cannot fail if you never try.

If you don’t try at anything, you cannot fail – Kate Winslet

The choice to say yes leaves the result ‘up in the air’.

The outcome is uncertain and therefore perhaps too scary to consider.

Lets go back for a moment.

Way, way back to when you were a baby. You came into this world with no knowledge of how it works, no understanding of the path in front of you and what it would take to learn to walk, to talk, to make friends or to keep yourself safe.

And yet you are here today having grown beyond babyhood with a range of skills and understandings which allow you to function and to be successful.

Did those abilities fall into your lap without you having to do anything? Or did you have to take a risk to stand, a risk to make a sound or take a chance on rejection to make a friend?

As a mother of two, I watched my children develop and grow over the years. I saw them fall down many times before they developed the strength to stand. I watched as they took their first steps without holding on to anything. I listened as the strange unintelligible noises they made slowly became words I could understand. I watched their frustration as they tried to make me understand what they were trying to say.

Did they give up? Of course not.

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip-toe if you must, but take the step

I recently fell down a flight of stairs and broke my heel bone in 4 places. Due to the severity of this injury, I was unable to put any weight on my left foot for 12 weeks. I was completely reliant on my crutches and with both hands busy supporting me, I was unable to complete the most basic of tasks.

Whilst I could get myself to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, I couldn’t carry it to my chair. I was unable to shower myself and needed the help of my partner to do almost everything. As a fiercely independent person, my lack of mobility and inability to drive was very difficult to adapt to.

After 12 weeks of total inactivity, do you think I just stood up one day and started walking?

Of course not. All the nerves, tendons and muscles in my foot and my leg had gone on strike. They simply turned off as they were not required for 3 months. And my brain had reprogrammed itself to protect my injury by ensuring I didn’t put weight on my foot even if I needed to get up in the night.

The first time I tried to take a step forward with my left foot during a physiotherapy session, I completely froze. Initially I couldn’t make my leg move as it was rooted to the spot in fear. Although my leg would physically support me, my mind refused to believe it. It took many days of practice before I could step forward without having to ‘psych myself up’ first.

The great thing is though, that once I took the first step and could see that I was okay, my brain and I came to accept that walking was a possibility. That one step could lead to another and that with time and practice, I could rebuild my strength and regain my independence.

Now 18 weeks since my injury, I am walking slowly, can manage stairs, carry my cup of tea and I can drive short distances. My confidence is returning and although I am still hyperaware of my environment and potential risks due to some instability, I automatically get out of bed and walk to the bathroom in the morning. In just a few short weeks I have gone from complete reliance on crutches to walking relatively comfortably.

You might ask what this has to do with the subject at hand.

For me, my recovery has become a metaphor for my life.

I could have chosen to let my fear stop me from taking that first step. I could have allowed my brain to continue to believe it needed to protect me from pushing through the pain. I could have allowed the pain to stop me from doing the exercises which would give me the strength to walk again.

But I didn’t.

Sure in this case, I had walked before so I knew it was possible.

However, the doctors told me my foot would never be the same again, that I would take 2 years to regain 80% of my movement and that I would be lucky to come out of my injury with a painless limp. They also seemed to believe it was a given that I would never wear heels again!

I decided right away, that that prognosis was not good enough for me, that I would recover fully and regain both the strength and flexibility that I had experienced before my injury. It has not been an easy road and there have been many times when I have struggled to find the mental strength to keep believing, to be patient and to push through the sometimes excruciating pain.

But I can tell you its been worth it.

If I could guess at a percentage figure right now, I would say I’m at 80% after just 4 1/2 months. I’m not wearing heels yet, and can see it will be a while yet, but I absolutely know I will wear them at my Godson’s wedding in November.

What’s the alternative? That I would never walk properly and be reliant on crutches for the rest of my life? That would have been a certainty if I had not been prepared to push through the fear and pain.

What about you?

Will you settle for a life of mediocrity because you allow your brain to tell you its too scary?

Because you don’t know what will happen so you’ll do nothing? To automatically believe you will fail without even giving yourself a chance?

What would happen if you just said YES?

You may discover that within you is a power you never knew about. You may realise that you have nothing to be afraid of and that you are far more capable than you ever dreamed.

Or perhaps things may not work out as you hoped but you discover instead the one ability, the one opportunity that will change your life forever. You may finally find that everything you ever wanted but didn’t dare hope for is right in front of you.

You will never know unless you take your heart in your hands and take a chance.

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

How To Tame The Lion Within And Make Friends With Anxiety

by Allanah Hunt | Jan 25, 2016 | Emotions, Manifestation

Imagine you are suddenly standing in the middle of the Serengeti surrounded by unfamiliar trees and animals. As you look around you everything appears strange and you are more than slightly nervous. Now imagine that as you turn to look behind you, out of the corner of your eye you detect a slight movement and you know instantly that the King of the Jungle, Mr Lion himself is stalking you.

What will you do?

Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart is beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath.

Your automatic response is to flee, to run as fast as you possibly can and hope that somehow you will outrun the danger.

Fast forward to today. You are safe and sound in your home but suddenly you feel jittery and anxious. Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart starts beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath. You feel like you need to escape but there is no lion stalking you this time. And yet you feel like you are in danger …

The survival instinct that served our ancient ancestors is still alive and well within you. Just like the antelope and the deer have an inbuilt warning system that allows them to leap and run at the first sign of the lion’s presence, so we too needed the same to keep us safe.

The Chemistry Of Anxiety

You’ve probably heard of Adrenalin or Epinephrine – the hormone that is released in the body when we attempt a bungy-jump, a skydive, ride a roller coaster or when we stand at the top of the ski slope. Adrenalin is what causes your heart to speed up allowing you to take in more oxygen for the feat ahead. It is the chemical that makes you hyper focused on what is about to happen. It is designed to give you a quick ‘hit’ before disappearing as the threat of danger is reduced. Adrenalin junkies (a term for those who chase high risk sports and activities) enjoy the rush of this chemical in the same way that an addict gets ‘high’ on their chosen drug.

However, there is a second hormone which is released at the same time which takes longer to build up and longer to dissipate. Cortisol allows for sustained action should it be required and rather than giving you a quick high as Adrenalin does, it leaves you feeling ‘wrung out’ or anxious.

There are times even in our modern world when this ‘primitive’ alarm is activated, saving our lives or giving us the strength to save another. I remember a couple of occasions as a mother when one of my children had hurt themselves requiring immediate medical attention. In the moment of the event, I became calm, could think clearly and was able to take the appropriate action to ensure their safety. However, when the danger was over, thoughts of what could have happened started to lodge themselves in my mind. I suddenly felt exhausted and tearful needing to rest and recover. This is an example of the cycle of Adrenalin (the emergency button) and Cortisol, the slow releasing safety valve.

Most of the time we are perfectly safe in the ‘civilised’ world we have created. And yet, deep within us this primordial risk assessing system is till working to ensure our safety. It will respond to a threat or feeling of risk in exactly the same way as if you were about to be chased by that lion of ages past.

Your body responds to stress in the same way it would if you were being chased by a lion

We talk about stress as if it is something ‘out there’ but in reality your response to what happens out there determines your personal ability to deal with what we call stress. Some people seem to sail through life with minimal symptoms of stress whereas others are almost paralysed by a constant feeling of overwhelm. And for some people, a particular event or series of events are so painful that they develop long term anxiety which impacts every area of their life until they no longer feel joy or happiness.

When we feel pressured, the same primitive ‘flight or fight’ response that we needed so long ago to survive, is triggered. Adrenaline and Cortisol flood our body causing symptoms that we now refer to as ‘anxiety’. These can include sweating, hyper focus, shallow breathing and a quicker than usual heart beat. In some cases these symptoms can be mistaken for a heart attack, so severe can they appear.

But when you are in no real danger, why do you feel the need to flee? Why is every nerve ending alive and ready for action?And why is your heart beating as if it wants to escape from your chest?

The truth is that most of the ‘danger’ we perceive is provided by our thoughts.

We don’t know what the future will hold so we tell ourselves a ‘worst case scenario’ story. We feel rejected by someone and our sense of self worth drops leaving us feeling vulnerable. Or we place so much importance on another’s opinion of us that we become afraid to be ourselves.

“Most of the things we worry about never happen”

There are a myriad of circumstances that may elicit symptoms of stress. And if we focus on the outcomes we are most afraid of, we will perpetuate the cycle of hormone release such that the constant see-saw of symptoms eventually destroys the natural fall of Cortisol leaving us in a constant state of exhaustion, emotion and joylessness. For some people, a state of anxiety becomes their natural ‘default position’ and everything that happens around them becomes a threat. In such instances, specific strategies to ‘reset’ the normal pattern of hormone release are required for a return to wellness.

So what can you do when you feel those symptoms of anxiety rising in you?

Lets go back to our Serengeti moment with Mr Lion. Given that this is not your current reality, what can you learn from this scenario?

Imagine as you get that ‘need to flee’ feeling, that you are racing across the Serengeti and that Mr Lion is adrenalin. Look behind you and you will see that the Lion you believe is chasing you is actually a part of yourself.

Why would you be afraid of yourself?

Remind yourself that you are perfectly safe and slow down to catch your breath. Turn to face Mr Lion as he too slows to a casual walk before becoming smaller and smaller. Instead of the fierce and terrifying Lion you imagined was chasing you, there is nothing but a small kitten mewing quietly. Where in one moment you were afraid, now you feel compassion. You hold out your hand to your nemesis and gently encourage him to approach you. As you do so, your heart rate and breathing return to normal and you can see clearly again.

Take a moment to recognise the thoughts that were in your mind when you felt your anxiety rise and take a note for future reference. In most cases a pattern of thinking has been created by your responses to the events which occur around you and its these thought patterns which drive your anxiety. Your brain likes to categorise things so if one event elicits a particular response, then a similar event (or thought) will elicit the same response even if in fact it is very different.

The story of Mr Lion is a metaphor for your ability to short circuit any automatic anxiety which arises. It takes you from an emotional state where you can see nothing but problems into a logical one where you can discover solutions. Imprint this metaphor on your brain and become aware of your personal response to ‘stress’ so that you can recognise when that old primitive warning system has been switched on. With practice, you will learn new ways of responding to the events in your life, ways which are far more productive and allow you to step beyond your comfort zone without fear.

Does Your Life Feel Like Groundhog Day?

by Allanah Hunt | Jan 21, 2016 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation | 0 comments

A number of years ago a film was released called Groundhog Day and starring Bill Murray. Set in Pennsylvania, Murray plays a professionally unfulfilled weatherman sent to follow the annual Groundhog Day festivities that have been celebrated since 1887.

The dictionary defines Groundhog Day as ‘a situation where a set of unwelcome or tedious events seem to be recurring in exactly the same way’.

Do you feel like you’re living the same day over and over again?

The film is a comedy about a man who lives the same day over and over again. Every morning he wakes up to the same song on the radio and interacts with the same people in the same order in exactly the same way. It takes him a few days to figure out what is happening and each morning he awakes with hope for a new day. Inevitably he realises that he is stuck in a time loop and no matter what he does during the day, he wakes to repeat it again.

For a time he behaves erratically as he feels helpless to change the apparently endless cycle of repetitive events. However, eventually he takes a look at himself and decides that if he has to live the same day over and over again, he will live it well. He puts on a cheerful face and does what he can to help others. As he changes his thoughts about the day, his experience also changes. Eventually he learns what he needs to and he wakes to a new day.

Sometimes life can feel like Groundhog Day as we continue to create the events of our past in our current time. However, just like Bill Murray, the power to change your experience comes from you. If you are tired of living in a cycle of pain, rejection or anger, then you can do something about it. Your life is a direct result of the thoughts, words and actions you decide to take.

Freeing yourself from the pain of the past is as simple as changing your perception about it. Simple but not necessarily easy. It will take a concerted effort for the first little while but in time it can become an automatic part of how you think, speak and act. Master your thoughts and watch your world change. You will no longer relive Groundhog Day but will create new experiences filled with joy and freedom.

How would it feel to break the pattern?

5 Ways To Bring Your Dreams To Life

by Allanah Hunt | Aug 14, 2015 | It's All About You, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Growing up with fairy tales, stories of heroes and mystical adventures, we are exposed to ideas that seem to bear little resemblance to the often mundane and responsibility filled experience of adulthood. The little girl who believed she would grow up and meet her handsome prince is somewhat demoralised when she discovers that in fact no-one is coming to rescue her. And the young boy who flew around his living room wearing his superhero cape soon discovers that the tools he needs in life are very different than those in the stories of his youth.

And today as we live in a world dominated by celebrities who seem to have it all we often think;

“Lucky them. If only I had their money, or their opportunities … then I would be happy. It’s okay for them but no-one is going to make that happen for me.”

Well that last statement is certainly true.

Nobody is going to come along and magically make your dreams come true.

But despite how it looks, that is not what happened for them either.

In order to make your ‘dreams come true’ you must first get clear about what they are. Most of us have an idle wish that passes through our mind from time to time. Things like:

“I wish I had a big house like that one” or “I wish I didn’t have to work for someone” or “I wish I could just go to the beach today”.

And most of us believe that these wishes, desires or ‘dreams’ could be solved by having more money. So we buy a lottery ticket and sit determinedly in front of the television hoping agains hope that tonight will be our night. This week my numbers will come up.

But what if you had a different view?

What if instead of waiting and wishing you got really clear about your dreams?

What if you turned your dreams into goals?

Not for one moment am I suggesting that you can go against the laws of the universe and suddenly start to fly but there are dreams we hold within our hearts that are achievable.

“If someone else can do it … why not you?”

I remember reading about Thomas Edison when he was working to create what we now call the light bulb. We never give a thought to this as we push a little switch which illuminates our world. But Mr Edison tried and failed 1000 times before he finally created this previously unknown little glow. And all around him were people saying that he was dreaming. That what he believed in was impossible. And it was to them. It was only through his absolute devotion to his belief that it could be done, and his determination to follow through no matter what, that we now have not only the light bulb but all the technology that the ‘impossibility’ of the light bulb has enabled us to see.

You may not wish to change the world like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein or Leonardo Di Vinci but what about making changes in your world?

What is it that you truly want? If you just have a passing fancy about something then that is all it will be. A wish, a fantasy and as real as a fairy tale. But if you have a passion for something and believe in it, then you have the power to bring it to life.

Visualise Your Life

One of the most important components to having your dreams come true is the ability to believe it. In order to believe in it, you must make it real for you. Close your eyes and imagine that your dream is reality. What does it look like? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it smell like? What does it feel like? Use all your five senses to bring your mind’s creation to life. What are you wearing whilst you are living your dream? Where do you live? What surrounds you? It is difficult to believe in an ideal but if you visualise yourself already living the life of your dreams, and bring this vision to life every day, then it will start to become real to you. Your brain cannot tell the difference between something ‘real’ and a dream unless you doubt its existence. And your wonderful brain only does as its told so if you bring your dream to life in your mind to such an extent that you can feel it in every cell in your body, then your brain will help you make it true.

Feel The Fear

Fear of failure keeps so many people from their dreams. Holding on to dreams gives us hope for the future but if we fail, we must give up on that dream. Sometimes the power of a dream is so strong that without it, we lose some of our sense of identity. If your sense of self is tied up with something ‘out there’ that you say you will achieve one day, but you do nothing about it, then you are likely to spend an enormous amount of time and effort making excuses or blaming outside influences for the failure of your dreams.

There are two types of fear. Paralysing fear and exhilarating fear. We see people jumping out of planes, paddling through rapids and throwing themselves off bridges with nothing but a rope attached to their ankles. These people are afraid but they use the fear to motivate them. Other people allow the fear to paralyse them. We all have a different level of comfort when it comes to taking a risk but you can work with your own and expand it by taking action steps which fall very close to your current comfort level. In time as you discover that in fact there is nothing to fear, you will begin to push the boundaries of what is possible for you.

Clarify Your Dream

You cannot create something new until you know what it is you want. So whether your dream is to become a successful musician, to run you own business or to become fit and healthy you need to be clear about how that looks. Sometimes when we ask ourselves the right questions, we discover that we are so focused on the way our life will look if our dream was true that we can’t actually see our path to get there. The gap between where you are and where you want to be is so big that it feel insurmountable.

What does being fit and healthy mean to you? Is it feeling better in yourself so that you can have a greater quality of life? Do you want to look like the models in magazines? Or do you want to look the way you did 10 years ago?

If you want to be a ‘successful’ musician, what does that success look like? Do you need to be famous and rich or is making a living singing in clubs successful?

When you get clear about the measure you are using for your dream, you can alter your parameters thereby allowing you to see it as a possibility rather than an impossibility.

Create Mini Dreams

A dream is not an easily achievable ideal otherwise you would have it already. The reason you have not achieved it yet is that it feels too big. Breaking your dream down into ‘mini-dreams’ brings it closer to you, allowing you to take action.

Your dream to be fit and healthy may involve a smaller dream of being able to go to a high street store and purchase a new dress off the rack in your size. Or it may involve being able to walk for 30 minutes without stopping.

Your dream of becoming a successful musician may start with the dream of securing a one off unpaid gig in your local pub or restaurant. It may even involve busking on the streets at the weekend and getting paid a few dollars over the course of each day.

To run your own business you may first need to get one client to fit in around your full time job or sell one product online.

When you achieve your mini-dreams the bigger picture doesn’t seem quite so far away.

Be Committed

Your dreams will be nothing more than a wish unless you take action toward them. Even if the action you take each day seems tiny, the fact that you are doing something will move your dreams ever closer. Keep a watch out for opportunities which exist around you that you may not have previously seen. It is only when we make something real that we can see possible ways to bring it to life.

In short, the things you are passionate about are coming from your true nature. Not the person the world wants you to be, or the person you thought you were supposed to be, but the person you truly desire to be. Some people say its your calling, your souls expression or your creative spirit shining through. Whatever definition you put around it, know that there is something in you that yearns for more than your current reality. Its up to you to clarify what that is, whether its something you actually want or just a passing whim and whether you are prepared to do what it takes to bring it to life.

Dreams really can come true.

If other people can make their dreams come true … why can’t you?

This 6 Letter Word Will Sabotage Your Happiness

by Allanah Hunt | Jul 15, 2015 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

There’s a word that most of us use on a regular basis that can have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem and our motivation. It’s only a small word, just six letters, but it has a massive impact on the way we view ourselves and our success in life.

We speak to ourselves almost continuously and the things we say, and the words we use, shape our lives. A lot of what we say is unconscious and goes on in the background without us being aware of it. But just because you haven’t listened to what you’re saying, doesn’t mean you’re not hearing it.

The brain works a bit like a groove on an LP. The needle goes around and around in the grooves, playing the same piece of music every time, no matter how many times you play it. In the same way, the words you say, whether in your mind or out loud, will create an automatic way of thinking.

So what is this 6 letter word that will sabotage your happiness?

The word ‘should’ is such a small word that we almost don’t hear it.

“I really should …”.

Sounds harmless enough doesn’t it? Sometimes we use this word because we want to be accepted by the people we are with. Other times we see or hear something which has improved the life of someone else and think perhaps it may help us too.

But mostly we use this word because we are not taking the action we think we ‘should’.

Perhaps you wish to lose weight or start an exercise program and tell yourself “I really should go to the gym today”; or “I really shouldn’t eat that chocolate brownie”. Or maybe you have a partner who is abusive and say, “I really should break up with this person”.

Whatever your particular circumstances, the effect of the word ‘should’ is the same. See, the problem with continuing to say ‘should’, is that you are essentially beating yourself up on every occasion. You believe you ‘should’ be doing something but you know you are not. You are judging yourself which produces guilt and sabotages your happiness.

So how can you release yourself from this guilt?

Ask yourself, “Why do I believe I should be doing this?”

Is it based on other people’s expectations?

We live in a world where there are certain stereotypes which are considered desirable, acceptable and the ‘norm’. In many cases, they are unrealistic, impossible or simply the result of an advertising campaign to sell you something. If your use of the word ‘should’ is based on other people’s expectations, or your desire to ‘fit in’, then it’s not really about you at all. You will never find the motivation you need to make changes if this is your truth. And why would you beat yourself up for something someone else believes? Madness huh? This is your life and you never, ever need to justify yourself to anyone else. Accept yourself as you are and let the ‘should’ go.

Is it something you really want to do?

Oftentimes you wish something were different, you want the results that you believewill show up once the change is made, but for some reason you just don’t seem to be able to do anything about it. You feel hopeless as you cannot see how anything can change and helpless to do anything about it. You are completely powerless in this position and the pain you feel as a result is overwhelming.

If you really want things to change then the second question is the most important.

“If I really want to change, what is stopping me?”

It takes a strong desire to motivate change. Even if our current reality is painful, weirdly, we often prefer a familiar pain to the adaptations we may need to make to create something different. In this case, the fear of the unknown is keeping us stuck in a pattern of behaviour which is paralysing. Whilst some people are motivated by the desire for something different, more commonly people are motivated to change because the pain of their current situation is more intense than the fear of the unknown. And things have to get pretty bad before we can acknowledge this.

J. K. Rowling says, “Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life“, and this is true for many of us. It is only when we are in despair that we find the strength to move beyond the pain into the life of power and freedom we desire. Pain motivates us to take action.

Sometimes however, you don’t have the information or skills you need to go about these changes. If you have lived your whole life in a certain way, then to do something different seems impossible. But doing things differently is the only way to get a different result and therefore asking for help is often the first step to take.

Make a decision today to take the word ‘should’ out of your dictionary and choose your path to happiness either through letting go of expectations which don’t concern you, or by asking for help to take the steps you need to enact change. In either case, in the moment you choose, you are reclaiming your personal power and stepping into freedom from guilt and helplessness. And happiness will be your reward …

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