Emotions Archives - Page 4 of 5

5 Ways To Avoid Bitterness

by Allanah Hunt | Jun 4, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Bitterness comes when you focus on what’s gone wrong and feelings of hurt. The problem with bitterness is that you can live your whole life seeing the world as a hurtful place which is out to get you. This isn’t the truth but simply a reflection of how you choose to see it. The world is full of wonderful people, fabulous experiences but you will only embrace this when you leave bitterness behind.

Here’s a few ways to get started.

Forgive Everyone Who Has Hurt You

We often confuse forgiveness with an acceptance of the words or behaviour which caused the pain but forgiveness has nothing to do with allowing others to hurt you or giving permission for the behaviour to continue. Creating clear and strong boundaries is essential if you are to have a life of happiness.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart

Forgiveness is a choice you make for you. It has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with your desire to be free of the past, to move beyond the pain and to embrace a new perspective. Holding on to your feelings of betrayal, anger and hurt is to allow the hurtful actions of another to continue to impact your life.

Don’t you think being hurt once is enough?

Focus On Gratitude

Bitterness grows when you focus on the hurt you feel and therefore the fastest way to reduce bitterness is to focus on the things you love about your life. Start with the little things. Focus on the roof over your head, kind friends, family, your job or simply the sun outside your window. As you shift your focus to things to be thankful for, you will start to see more reasons to love your life.

Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have

Bitterness and gratitude cannot exist together so focus on thankfulness and see your bitterness disappear.

Take Responsibility For Your Feelings

When you blame others for the events which occur in your life you become jaded and untrusting. Whilst events will occur around you which will impact on your life, blaming someone or something leaves you powerless to create your own life. It is only when you understand you are responsible for your own emotions and actions, that you have a choice about how you feel, that you will begin to reclaim your power.

The day you stop blaming others is the day you begin to discover who you truly are

You will not feel hurt unless you choose to bring those feelings into your present life. Taking this first step will help you move forward with your own life free of the pain of the past.

Take Control Of What You Can Change

If you look at the world long enough you will see many cases of destruction, chaos, corruption and devastation. No matter how angry or sad you feel about this there is nothing you can do to change it.

What you allow is what will continue

All you can do is take control of your own life and build happiness where you are. As you create happiness in yourself you have the opportunity to spread this to your little corner of the world. Change what you can and allow everything else to run its course.

Give To Others

Bitterness builds when we feel isolated and powerless. Decide to get involved in the world around you by volunteering to help others. Give unwanted clothing to a charity, visit an elderly person in your community, encourage others to make real connections and support people who are having a tough time.

We rise by lifting others

Offer your unique skills to help others and watch your bitterness disappear. As you help others you help yourself.

Bitterness is like drinking poison every day. Stop killing yourself slowly and choose this minute to focus on what is great about your life. Focus on giving yourself the kindness you deserve.

Does Having More Friends Make You Happier?

by Allanah Hunt | Jun 3, 2015 | Emotions, Relationships

How many friends do you have?

I don’t mean people you associate with at work, people you know through other people or people you meet at the gym, the pub, the walker’s group. Real friends. People who actually love you and who you love in return.

There was a time in my life where I had no friends, was bullied at school and didn’t get on with my family. I looked around and saw groups of people hanging out together, you know, the popular kids, and thought if only I was a part of them, I would be so happy.

But I was shy, slightly gawky and very awkward around people. My social skills were non-existent and I was genuinely someone people regarded as very strange. I understand the reasons now but at the time, I was heartbroken and would have done anything to have a friend.

In fact, I remember one particular girl at school. I must have been around 11 or 12 years old and I think she was new to my class. I latched on to her and was so desperate to finally have a friend that I drove her away with my neediness.

So back to being alone for me – how I wished to be part of a large group of friends like the other girls.

Whilst at one time I truly felt that the more friends you had, the more love you would find, fast forward to today and I find myself immensely grateful for my small band of loyal, loving and supportive friends.

I discovered that in fact having meaningful friendship with a handful of wonderful people is far more valuable than having superficial conversation with lots of them. It is the real and fulfilling relationships you create with those to whom you have a real connection that will add to your happiness. Quality not quantity.

Case Study

I know someone who believed he had tons of friends. He thought he was super popular and people loved him. When tough times hit, he discovered that the people he believed were his friends all melted away and he was alone. Perhaps they were there for the free food and entertainment he offered, perhaps it was the work opportunities they thought he could get them or perhaps they felt more important by being seen to be friends with him. Reflected glory if you like.

Today, he has very few friends as I’m not sure he trusts many people to get close to him. Underneath the showman, the popular funny man is someone with a heart of gold, someone who would do anything for anyone and someone who is generous to a fault.

He discovered that in fact having lots of friends was a lonely place to be. He discovered that his life now, with just a few important people, people who genuinely love and appreciate him is far happier than it ever was. His ego may have been bruised and his heart broken but today he is more real, more genuine and more content than ever before.

So how do you know who your real friends are?

Take a look around. Notice the people who make the effort to keep in touch, the ones who are there when you are having a hard time, the ones who tell you their secrets (not gossipers but those who confide in you), the ones who greet you with a genuine smile that reaches their eyes and those who when they hug you, you feel genuine warmth.

These are the people to value. These are the friendships which will add to your happiness just as you add to theirs. It is the mutual benefit, the give and take that you are able to offer each other which forms the basis of real friendship.

Guard these beautiful people with your life as you will only ever have a handful if you are fortunate.

In this funny video we see Sheldon from Big Bang Theory using his powers of logic to create a friendship algorithm. He makes a call to someone he knows and endeavours to use his algorithm to set up a time to connect.

Watch what he discovers … just for a laugh x

Content not available.
Please allow cookies by clicking Accept on the banner

How Do You Say Goodbye?

by Allanah Hunt | May 31, 2015 | Emotions, Relationships

Don’t you hate it when people say ‘let it go’ or ‘just move on’? It sounds so trite, so simplistic and you and I both know that when your relationship ends, letting go can feel impossible. Not only have you lost someone you have shared everything with, but also your hopes and dreams for the future. A future that now stretches in front of you in an endless stream of nothingness. A future so terrifying that you cannot begin to imagine how you will live it.

And if you let go of the life you had for so many years, where does that leave you? With all your energy focused on the life you had together, suddenly you don’t have a purpose.

Now that it’s just you, it doesn’t feel enough.

You don’t feel enough.

And so you stay stuck in the moment when everything you knew about yourself, everything you knew about your life and everything you knew about your future, was shattered.

Paralysed by the shock of the reality of the changes you face and feeling powerless to do anything else.

Staying exactly where you are, in some kind of limbo waiting for the pain to end, waiting for you to feel better, waiting for someone to help you, is the most painful place of all. You can wait your whole life away …

‘how to heal your pain, understand your loss and build a life of joy, love and promise .…. for women of all ages and most particularly for those who have worked so hard to be the best wife, mother, partner and lover they could be, only to find that the dream they toiled so long to create has vanished into thin air’

A poignant and inspirational guide which takes the reader beyond the pain and disillusionment of separation and divorce to a world of possibility and freedom. A powerful and insightful book which challenges our perceptions and expectations about marriage and relationships. A truly remarkable look at the ideals that women aspire to and the devastating effect that their failure to meet them has on their lives.

Buy The Book

Letting go is hard but sometimes holding on is harder

The only person who can stop the waiting and the only one who can ease the pain, is you. Without you, your life will be controlled by circumstances beyond your control, you will constantly live in fear of what disaster will befall you next.

I think I am afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens

Whether you realise it or not, you already have everything you need inside you. Within you is all the power you will ever need. You hold more power than you could possibly imagine and you can use this power to hold on tightly to what is gone, or to build something new.

Life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance on the unknown or stay behind locked in the past thinking of what could have been.

Your power exists in this moment, right now. You have only to reach out and claim it. Perhaps it is hiding away in a dark corner, covered in cobwebs, lost a long time ago but waiting patiently until you decide to find it again. I promise you that even if you can’t see it, it is still there. You are still here.

Your power is you. You cannot live without you. You will exist – that is all.

I don’t know about you, but that is not enough for me.

If you agree that it’s not enough for you, if you can say ‘amen’ to this statement, then you have reclaimed your power. In this moment you have decided you will not allow this event to define your life. You have chosen to stop being a victim, chosen to stand up for yourself and chosen to be more than you ever thought possible.

This is your defining moment. The moment you say ‘enough’, this ends now …

You do not need to ‘let go’ but simply to take a step toward you. As you become completely connected to you, everything which doesn’t belong in your life simply falls away.

Start small
Take yourself for a walk in nature
Start a journal to record your thoughts and feelings
Try something new
Help someone
Show kindness
Make a new friend

And before you know it, these simple actions will begin to show you who you are. They will allow you to rediscover the person you are and help you define who you want to be. Slowly but surely, little by little you will build a new foundation for your life. A foundation which can never be shaken, can never be taken away from you and one that you can build your life on for the whole of your life.

Do not look ahead but simply focus on this moment right now. Today, in this second you are creating your future. You don’t need to know how it will look as it will unfold before you as beautifully as a butterfly wing. Connect with you, keep you at the centre and follow your heart.

Sure you will have sad days. There will be times when you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Days when you question yourself and feel lost and alone. But when those moments come, accept that they are a part of you just now, allow them to be and bring yourself back to you.

And one day you will discover that you don’t hurt so much. That in fact you went a whole day without thinking about your partner, a whole week without thinking about your old life. One day you will realise you have found peace within yourself and that you can smile again. One day you will understand that you are free from the past, that you have ‘let go’ without realising it and that your life is your own.

This is a day to celebrate. This is the day you will know you have found yourself, found your best friend and that you are finally living. No longer existing as a shell of the person you once were, but living fully, enjoying each moment and with hope for the future. Building your life one moment at a time and open to what the future brings knowing that you are strong enough, brave enough, loving enough, fabulous enough … enough. More than enough.

You have said ‘Goodbye’.

10 Ways To Reduce Stress

by Allanah Hunt | May 24, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation | 0 comments

When life changes and you find yourself adapting to new circumstances or strong emotions, your body will react as if it is in danger, releasing adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) which will impact your health. Finding healthy ways to manage stress helps you balance the difficult times so you can cope.

Breathe

Your rate of breathing lets you know when you are stressed. If you are breathing quickly and shallowly, chances are you are under stress. Take a moment to lie on the floor or your bed. This gives your diaphragm the chance to rest whilst your torso is stretched out. Pay close attention to your breathing concentrating on slowing your breaths in and out. Your heart and lungs work together, so as you slow your breath, you will also slow your heart rate. Keep focused on your breathing for 5-10 minutes and you will feel much calmer.

Meditate

Meditation works best when sitting in a comfortable chair where you feel safe. Slow your breathing and really concentrate on the feeling of your breath as it tickles the spot just beneath your nose. Focusing on this one spot keeps your mind in your control whilst you work to slow your breath and heart rate. Once you are feeling calm repeat some positive statements which feel powerful for you. You could say “I am completely safe in this moment and nothing can harm me” or I am surrounded by love”. Find something ahead of time that feels good for you and repeat your statements until you feel reenergised.

Be Present

Most stress occurs when we focus on the past or project into the future. Focus your mind on one activity at a time. If you are eating, just focus on the food and the act of chewing. If you are walking, focus on your feet as they hit the ground. Bringing things back to the most simple of activities allows you to be completely present in the moment.

Reach Out

Your friends and family can provide a fantastic support for you when you are struggling. Let people know what is going on for you face to face, if possible, or at least over the phone. Sometimes you get stuck in your head; speaking with someone else helps you gain a new perspective and creates connection.

Tune In To Your Body

Pay attention to your body. We all have natural rhythms which ebb and flow throughout the day. Your body will let you know when it is out of sync so pay attention to your eating and sleeping habits as well as your digestion as these are alerts that something is different.

Decompress

Place a warm heat wrap around your neck and shoulders for 10 minutes. Close your eyes and relax your face, neck, upper chest and back muscles. Remove the wrap and use a tennis ball to massage away any tension. Do this by placing the ball between you and a wall and rolling slightly up and down with a pressure which feels comfortable to you.

Laugh Out Loud

Laughter is a great way to relieve stress. Even if the last thing you feel like doing is laughing, you can force yourself to smile in the mirror or act as would if you were laughing for real. Join a laughing yoga class or watch funny movies. Laughter will benefit your body chemistry as well as relax your mind

Music

Put on your favourite sounds and feel the music as you go about your day. Relaxing music is good for stress release but if you have dance tunes these shift your energy to a higher plane and make you smile. Dance as if nobody is watching and you will feel relaxed and revitalised.

Get Moving

Physical movement gets the blood flowing through your body giving you energy and releasing stress releasing hormones which help our brain think more clearly. You do not need to do anything vigorous, but walking, yoga or simply taking the stairs will help. If you cannot get out or are unable to exercise then some simple stretching exercises will give you the same benefit. Try to be active for at least 15 – 20 minutes each day and you will help to balance the negative effects of stress.

Be Grateful

Each day take a moment before you go to bed to write at least one positive thing you experienced during the day. It could be a smile from a stranger, a hand on your arm from someone who cares, a bird in the garden or a phone call from a friend. Paying attention to the simple interactions you have each day and noting them in your diary shifts your focus to a more positive place.

Practice these skills and you will find your overall stress levels reduce adding to your sense of happiness and joy.

5 Simple Ways To Get Through A Sad Day

by Allanah Hunt | Apr 8, 2015 | Emotions, Energy

When a relationship breaks up, you are going through a separation or divorce or you lose someone or something you love, you can feel overwhelmed by sadness. Pain is a part of life but there are things you can do to help yourself float through the most difficult days.

Accept your feelings

It’s okay to feel sad. Sadness is a natural reaction to loss and as such it’s important that you acknowledge the feeling and accept it. Do not focus on the cause of your sadness but becoming aware of your feelings gives you the power to choose your response. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions.

Be kind to yourself

On sad days you will likely feel vulnerable and sensitive. Understand that your emotions are heightened and be kind to yourself. Your responsibilities will continue but you can be gentle with your expectations of yourself. Do what you must and then nurture yourself with a bath, DVD, massage, good book or your favourite music. The kindness you show to yourself will help you regain your balance.

Smile at yourself in the mirror

When we are sad the idea of smiling feels very far away. But the physical action of smiling releases good chemicals in the brain which act as an antidote to intense sadness. When you feel the sadness return, take a moment to smile through your tears. It is as if the sun is shining through the rain.

Take yourself on a date

Breaking the routine of your life can be a great way to reduce sadness. It’s like interrupting a repetitive pattern and shifts your focus. You may still feel the sadness but the very act of taking yourself out on a date shifts the focus from your loss to you. Go for a walk in nature, take yourself out to dinner, a movie or join a night class or exercise class.

Be with people

Sadness can make you feel very alone and isolated. Get outside of yourself by interacting with others. Catch up with a friend or family member, volunteer at a homeless shelter or retirement home. There are many people who feel just as alone as you do. When you connect with others you can see yourself through their eyes.

Sadness can seem never ending but preparing yourself ahead of time allows you to have strategies in place to cope. Focussing on your pain or loss will cause more suffering but acceptance will allow you to rise above your feelings and let them float away.

Remember, you are not your feelings – they simply follow from your thoughts. Change your thoughts and you change your emotions.

Have You Really Made A Mistake?

by Allanah Hunt | Apr 6, 2015 | Emotions, Law of Attraction, Manifestation | 0 comments

To be honest, I don’t like the word ‘mistake’. It conjures up images of school teachers, punishment, penance and makes me feel like a naughty child. I instantly feel smaller as if somehow I have shrunk like Alice in Wonderland.

And how do you recognise that something is a mistake? It is not until a choice you made turns out differently than you hoped for, that you categorise it as an ‘error’ or ‘mistake’.

But surely at the time it was what you wanted?

They say hindsight is 20/20 but when we look back, we often forget the thoughts and emotions which were a part of the decision at the time. And when we judge something as a mistake, we also tend to judge ourselves for our poor ‘judgement’. The minute you judge yourself, you become the taskmaster, the school teacher or the priest who is looking to punish you for a ‘wrongdoing’.

Every time you judge yourself, you break your own heart

Some of the changes which happen in life, are not things you would actively choose for yourself but instead the result of someone else’s decisions. Even in this case, you can be tempted to look back and question why you didn’t see a truth which now appears so obvious. But I want you to think about something.

I know I am not the same person I was when I was 20, nor will I be the person I am today, in 20 years time. This is true for everyone I know and also for you. My friends, my family, we all grow, change and often the things we wanted at one stage of our life no longer bring us happiness at another. Life is not a straight line but a constantly evolving exciting and unpredictable journey. And sometimes we just want to experience something new.

Before we make a decision to move toward something, we create a vision in our mind of what it will look like. What our life will look like with the addition we have made. And with that vision comes a set of expectations. Expectations that say that we will be happier, that it will last forever, that … fill in the blanks. But no matter how much we want life to live up to our expectations, it never does and the disappointment we feel when things change can leave us feeling like a failure.

But why would you beat yourself up for making a ‘mistake’ when in fact things have simply changed? Sometimes it’s you that has changed, sometimes someone else and at other times it is the circumstances around you that have altered.

They key is to change the way you look at your choices. Both the choices you have already made and the many which you will make throughout the rest of your life.

In fact why don’t you take a moment right now to make a decision?

Make the decision to see your life as a series of choices which bring experiences. Some of these may feel painful, others joyful and some frightening. But each and every one of them brings something amazing to you. You may not see it now, but be assured that these choices, these experiences are making up the moments of your life.

There is no blame, no mistake and no failure. There is simply the choice to stay stuck in the past or to embrace the joy of this moment.

I know which one I choose … what about you?

« Older Entries

Next Entries »