Emotions Archives - Page 2 of 5

5 Key Ways To Improve Empathy

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 25, 2017 | Emotions, Relationships

Empathy is a very important skill. It helps us develop deep levels of rapport and trust, both of which are vital for the success of our relationships as well as our interactions in the workplace. Having poor empathy skills can lead to unnecessary conflict born out of misunderstandings.

In business, the key component to our success is understanding the needs of our clients, patients, customers or staff. If we don’t focus on ‘putting ourselves in their shoes’, we will make catastrophic mistakes which can lead to failure.

The dictionary describes empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”.

Understanding the importance of empathy and employing those skills are two different things. It is only when we act with true empathy that we can create connections that are long lasting and real.

There are some instances where acting with empathy can feel overwhelming. It is important to learn how to balance our empathy for others with the need to take care of ourselves or we will burn out completely.

So what can we do to build empathy skills and improve our relationships with those around us?

Pay Close Attention

This might seem like a no-brainer but in truth, we are often so distracted by our mobile devices, what is showing on the television or our need to tell our own story, that we don’t really notice what someone is telling us. Just because you hear the words someone is saying, doesn’t mean you’ve heard them. Improving your listening skills will help you pay more attention to others and allow you to pick up on the emotions behind the words.

A great way to raise your ability to pay attention is to watch television with the sound off. In this way you can watch the interplay of emotions between the various characters and learn to pick up cues which will help you follow the story.

Distance Yourself From Stereotypes And Find Commonalities

We all have pre-conceived ideas about others based on the media, our peers and our own observations. But when it comes to individual interactions, we must put those aside and find a way to connect with others.

The best way to build a connection is to meet people where they are. Everyone has a story and if you take the time to listen, you might be surprised at what you discover. Sometimes the people we understand the least have the most to teach us.

Agree to Disagree

There may be occasions when you don’t agree with someone else’s view of a specific situation but where you can nonetheless recognise that empathy is required. This is particularly important when somebody is having a strong emotion and asking you to do something you can’t do.

Sometimes all that’s required is to listen and convey what is called cognitive empathy. It is possible to be authentically empathetic to show you understand what they are experiencing without having to agree.

Learn How To Respond

It can be very difficult to know what to say in response to someone, and to determine when to keep quiet and when to speak. Learning how to respond takes practice but a good rule of thumb is to simply acknowledge their feelings without giving advice. This is a hard one but the art of empathy is largely about ensuring that someone feels heard.

Practice saying statements such as, ‘I’m sorry this happened to you’. Say it several times to yourself in the mirror so that you can see the expression on your face when you speak. Watch empathetic leaders to listen to the tone of voice they use as well as their facial expressions.

In order to truly connect with others, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable and potentially show emotion in response to theirs. It is not enough to put on a face or modulate your tone of voice. Empathy is conveyed through feeling rather than the words we use.

Strengthen Your Connection With Yourself

It is impossible to show empathy to others if you don’t have a strong connection with yourself first. As you show empathy to yourself, you will develop the ability to truly connect with other people’s emotions in a way that adds kindness, compassion and understanding to their situation.

Think about times when you have faced a difficult situation and what you might have needed at that time. Did your friends and family show empathy? What did that look like? What made you feel supported or unsupported? If you felt unsupported, what empathy did you show to yourself that helped you overcome your own difficulties? As you explore this, you will begin to put together a clear picture of how empathy can help others.

Empathy is a multi-faceted skill that will require practice and the ability to be flexible. Not everyone will want the same response from you so it’s important to be able to recognise subtle nuances in someone’s posture, facial expressions and tone of voice. And it’s just as important to become aware of the time when even though someone seems to be emotional, they may not wish to interact with you.

5 Ways To Make Loneliness Your Friend

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 5, 2017 | Emotions, It's All About You

Most of us have felt lonely at one time or another but for some, loneliness is a daily, minute by minute companion. To use the word companion and loneliness in the same sentence might sound strange, but loneliness is more than just a feeling; it’s an experience.

It is truly as if a dark shadow has come to sit beside you and steal your joy.

In a world where technology has taken over so much human interaction, more and more people are finding themselves isolated and without a close friend to turn to. Statistics suggest that one in eight adults describe themselves as lonely and that many children are turning to telephone support services to discuss their feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness is becoming the epidemic of our time

So, what’s the ‘cure’ for loneliness?

You might think it’s to get out more. Or to join a club or society to meet people.

But loneliness runs much deeper than simply being in the same space as others and the truth is you can feel far lonelier in a crowd than you you’ll ever feel on your own.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty – Mother Teresa

People who are lonely often feel:

Isolated, Abandoned, Rejected, Separate, Deserted, Invisible

Human beings are social creatures. We crave connection and want to belong. But sometimes we feel different from the other people we meet and we struggle to find our place in the world. We don’t understand social norms. We don’t have anything in common with those around us. We look different to others. We sound different from others. The things we love, bore other people. We’ve been taught not to trust others. We feel awkward around strangers. We’ve experienced an event that caused us to withdraw from others.

But there are steps you can take to reduce your feelings of loneliness right now.

1. What Are You Looking For?

When we feel lonely, it’s usually because we feel that something is missing. We look at other people’s lives and they seem busy with their friends, busy with their families, busy with their chosen activities – it looks like everyone else is having fun and we’re missing out. We want to feel the way we imagine they’re feeling.

The first step in becoming less lonely is to identify the emotions you want to feel. You might want to feel loved. Feel accepted or respected. Feel connected. Feel happy. Feel wanted. Feel like you have a purpose.

Finding healthy ways to meet these needs for yourself is vital before you bring new new people into your life. If you look for others to generate these emotions for you, chances are that in fact you will attract people who reinforce the lack you already feel leaving you more lonely than ever before.

Instead, use this alone time to connect with yourself. Spend time getting to know yourself. What are you interested in? What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? What makes you cry? What makes you feel wonderful inside? What drives away the feelings of loneliness?

Begin to notice the things, films, music, events, situations that create the emotions you want to feel and give yourself more of them. Surrounding yourself with the things that bring you joy when you’re alone will raise your energy and ensure you connect with the people who will add to your happiness.

2. Shift Your Perspective

I remember a time in my life when I was feeling unloved. I had a version of the love I wanted in my mind and my relationship just wasn’t living up to it. My conclusion was that I had no love in my life.

But love was all around me. I had friends who cared about me. I had children who loved me. I just didn’t recognise it because I had narrowed my measure of love to one definition. All I saw was what was missing rather than what was there.

When I shifted my perspective, I was able to see that although I had isolated myself in my search for a specific type of love, there were many forms of love to feel. By recognising love in one place, I was able to see it in others.

Sometimes it’s the simplest things that can create the greatest connection with others. Look around you to see who is already there. Start with what you have and build a deeper connection where you are. You have no idea the possibilities that exist in even the most fleeting of interactions.

3. Express Yourself

One of the fastest ways to get to know yourself better is to explore your creativity. Grab a piece of paper and start doodling. Buy a colouring book and get colouring. Listen to music. Learn an instrument. Sing along to your favourite tunes. Paint. Draw. Dance. Create.

Creativity comes from your soul and holds your joy.

Tap into your inner artist (yes it’s in there somewhere) and allow it to express in a way that feels comfortable for you. I love to write and design. A good friend of mine is a painter and musician. Another friend loves to work in her garden. My sister loves to sing and play ukulele. Some people love to cook, knit, sew, crochet … find your thing and give it all you’ve got.

Learning about yourself through creative pursuits will also help you meet others who have similar interests. Even if you’re unable to get out and about, you can join groups online to discuss your passion.

4. Make A Brave Choice

Loneliness can make us isolate further as we feel more and more alone. And as we focus on how alone we feel, we create more of it. We can get so caught up in our emotions that we feel paralysed to do anything about it. It’s a bit like the catch phrase, ‘use it or lose it’. When we stop interacting with other people, we lose the skill and desire to step outside of ourselves. We become comfortable in our misery even though it’s painful.

What if you were to make a different choice?

What if instead of allowing your world to get smaller, you decided to actively make it bigger?

I’m not suggesting you should go out tomorrow and walk into a room full of strangers.

But you could send a message to someone you know (or used to know). You could join a group on social media. You could research an interest group in your neighbourhood and initiate contact. You could go outside when your neighbour is in their garden and say hello. You could create something for someone who is having a hard time to show them someone cares.

First contact might feel scary but generally when you make a move towards someone, they will make one towards you. We all want to feel connected and it might surprise you to learn just how many other people are lonely too.

5. Embrace Your Freedom

There’s something incredible that happens when we begin to appreciate where we are. Gratitude is like waving your magic wand and inviting wonderful things to come to you.

There is a very secret sweetness about being alone that you will miss if you fear it so much – Iyanla Vanzant

There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.

There is joy in aloneness.

There is peace in aloneness.

There is power in aloneness.

There is freedom in aloneness.

Being alone means you can make choices to suit yourself without having to consider what somebody else wants. You can stay in your pyjamas watching chick flicks and eating ice-cream (aka Bridget Jones) on a Sunday. You can eat when you’re hungry instead of when you’re ‘supposed’ to. You can keep hold of the remote control for your television. You can watch all the sport you want. You can indulge your creativity in peace. You can see who you want when you want.

Alone time is a gift that very few people appreciate. Embrace your freedom while working on rebuilding your connection to yourself and you will naturally move from loneliness to enjoying your own company.

And here’s the secret power of gratitude. As you begin to enjoy your own company, others will too. You will begin to find people opening up to you, inviting you for coffee and suggesting activities you can share with together.

Remember that dark shadow of loneliness I talked about at the beginning of this article?

Other people see it too. As you begin to let light into your life, the shadow of loneliness will start to lessen allowing people to see you as you truly are. Connect to yourself, discover your joy, embrace your freedom and you will attract people who want to share it with you.

It works every time, with everyone and it can work for you too.

When loneliness becomes your friend, you are no longer lonely.

5 Signs You Might Be Hiding From Life

by Allanah Hunt | Jul 11, 2016 | Emotions, It's All About You, Manifestation

Let’s face it – life can seem terrifying at times!

Its much easier to stay where you’re comfortable, to continue living life as you know it confident in the knowledge that you are safe and secure.

But there’s a problem with that plan.

Things always change.

Even if you focus on keeping the status quo with every ounce of energy you have, life has a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it.

You may lose your job due to company or economic changes.

You may have an accident which will alter the course of your life.

Your children will leave home.

Someone you love will die.

You will age …

Whether you like it or not, the course of your life will take many twists and turns. How you navigate the journey will determine how much joy, how much happiness and how much contentment you find along the way.

You cannot hide from change. You can try. You can cry but in the end no matter how determinedly you hang on to what you think you know about your life, it no longer exists.

The goal posts have shifted and until you learn to alter the direction of your kick, you will keep missing. Missing someone, missing something …

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance – Alan Watts

You Are Afraid To Try Something New

I know someone who has always been a lover of life. He has lived in several places around the world, traveled and built a successful business in more than one country and yet for the past few years, he has been hiding from life. Having experienced some huge changes, he has become afraid to make choices, afraid that he will fail and so concerned about the chance of loss, that he has stopped ‘living’. Where once he was larger than life now he is hiding in the shadows. Anytime he is asked a question, his automatic answer is ‘NO’. He doesn’t even take the time to think about it …

What about you? What is your automatic answer to an opportunity?

Let’s say a friend suggested the two of you go to an adventure park and try out the new commando course where you would be climbing, walking a swing bridge and finishing with a zip line.

What if you were offered a job in a rival company which paid a better salary but you would need to take on more responsibility.

What would you say?

You Can’t Remember The Last Time You Felt Joy

Joy is a blissful feeling. It’s when everything feels right in the world, you smile, you laugh and within you it feels like bubbles are rising to the surface. You feel like you could burst with happiness. If you can’t remember the last time you felt like this then take a moment to look at a small child in a playground. They are free, fearless and excited. Once upon a time you were like this too.

Finding joy starts by focussing on things to be thankful for.

It starts when you enjoy the moment you are in rather than worrying about what might come.

Joy begins when you are just ‘being’ instead of constantly ‘doing’.

You Keep Your Opinions And Ideas To Yourself

Each of us has a unique perspective which is formed through our experiences. True progress and innovation comes from adding new perspectives and new ideas to existing understanding. If you are uncertain or doubt the value of your input, you may be denying others the chance to take a fresh approach.

Sometimes it’s the smallest nugget that has the highest value.

You Are Jealous Or Envious Of Others

When you are hiding from life, it often appears that others are doing so much better than you are. But if you take a closer look, you will discover that they have struggles, they have fears and they have difficulties too. The difference between them and you is that they are prepared to face their fear, to overcome their difficulties and to push beyond the boundaries of what they know and what is comfortable, to find the joy on the other side.

If they can do it … why can’t you?

You Hate Who You See In The Mirror

One of the clearest signs that you are hiding from life is that you don’t like the vision of yourself you see in the mirror. None of us are perfect, we each have ‘flaws’ and parts of ourselves we wish were smaller, bigger, taller, softer, firmer, flatter … but beyond the external appearance, is the true essence of who you are. I’m a firm believer that what you see on the outside is a reflection of how you feel about yourself on the inside.

Self-Confidence is your most attractive quality. How can anyone else see how great you are if you can’t see it yourself?

Life can be an exhilarating roller coaster ride or a nightmare horror house.

Change will happen whether you choose to hide from life or whether you choose to embrace it.

Is it time to come out from the shadows and start living?

5 Ways Your Emotions Could Be Sabotaging Your Life

by Allanah Hunt | May 2, 2016 | Emotions, Relationships

Just because somebody is smiling on the outside, doesn’t mean everything is okay in their life. Just because no tears fall from their eyes, doesn’t mean they aren’t breaking on the inside.

Emotions take many forms but we all have them, we all experience them whether we choose to express them or not

But where do they come from?

It often ‘feels’ like our emotions are caused by events that happen or by other people’s behaviour but in fact your emotions come from the way you think about those events or behaviours. It’s not the events themselves that cause your feelings but the way you decide to respond to them.

Your brain is a complex organ that runs all the functions of your body. It has many automatic functions such as keeping your heart beating, your lungs breathing, reminding you to eat and sleep to name just a few.

But it also a gatherer of information.

Your brain is like a massive computer which receives information at a rate of around 400 billion bits per second however, we are only aware of approximately 2000 of those bits. Your body is sending 11 million bits per second but your brain is only processing approximately 50 bits per second.

What these statistics indicate is that your brain has an automatic way of eliminating information that seems unnecessary or irrelevant. In essence, your mind is only taking in data which is already recognises and can file in an appropriate drawer. The rest it discards before it even enters your mind.

So if your emotions are fuelled by your thoughts, and your thoughts are determined by what you already know and understand, isn’t it possible that much of what you think is no longer relevant to your life today?

Isn’t it possible that an update in your programming is required?

Just because your brain puts two seemingly similar events in the same file and triggers emotions from the first to replay at the second, doesn’t mean that it is correct or that you have to go along with it.

You have the power to react or respond.

A reaction is an automatic function of your programming; a response is a choice.

Emotions are temporary states of mind. Don’t let them destroy you

Lashing Out In Anger

We’ve all had times when we become suddenly and fiercely angry. In a moment of frustration we lash out at someone, speak harshly or in some cases throw something or cause physical harm to another person. Anger is a useful emotion when it is used to channel action to make a change however, when used without control, it can destroy your relationships with the people around you, impact on your career and cause long term bitterness that will sabotage your life forever.

Instead of allowing the default position of anger to be your reaction, take the time to count to 10 before responding. Sometimes the most powerful response is simply to remain silent or to walk away.

Allowing Anxiety To Control You

We all have boundaries that keep us safe, where we feel comfortable and certain. Fear is simply the brain’s way of letting you know you are in danger or more commonly that you are taking a step outside your comfort zone. Just because something feels strange, unfamiliar or risky, doesn’t automatically mean you should avoid it.

The next time you feel anxious, stop for a moment and ask yourself if you are in any real danger. If not, then thank your brain for doing its job to keep you safe and ask it to join you on a new adventure.

Reliving A Moment Of Loss

Loss is an inevitable part of life. At some point, we will all lose someone we love, someone we value or someone who is a huge part of our life. The emotions that spill over in a time of loss can threaten to drown you, to overwhelm you with their intensity such that you cannot function, that you cannot connect with your own life. Many people find themselves stuck in a moment of loss sometimes for years or for the rest of their lives. They relive the pain of that loss over and over again until it becomes their natural state of being. They are in reality programming their brain to a new state of normal.

Instead of reliving the loss, focus on the wonderful memories and appreciate the times you had together. Hold those memories in your heart like jewels and when you feel sad, bring out your treasure, hold it up to the light and smile.

Holding On To Guilt

Every single one of us has at some time in our life, made a choice which someone else has found difficult to deal with. Sometimes it’s our emotional reaction to a situation that causes another pain and sometimes it’s simply that your path and theirs are not going in the same direction. There are times when its appropriate to apologise for your words or actions and to take responsibility for the hurt they have caused someone else. However, taking responsibility is not the same thing as feeling guilty. Guilt is like stabbing yourself over and over again in the same place with the same knife. It’s a wound that never heals.

Apologise for the wrong if it is appropriate and then forgive yourself. You are not responsible for someone else’s emotions and you cannot make it right by feeling guilty. Let the other person handle their feelings and learn to manage yours.

Building Walls

Our body has a natural defence mechanism to keep us safe from illness. We call this our immune system and it works by recognising a threat and putting up a wall to protect us from harm. Our brain does the same thing. “Once bitten, twice shy”; sayings like this reinforce the need to build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. But the outcome of one situation does not dictate the outcome of another unless you react based on a previous experience. Remember how our brain puts similar situations together and treats them the same?

You can choose to see each event, each meeting and each relationship as a totally new and separate experience. Instead of building walls, you can keep your heart and mind sharp, set clear but flexible boundaries for yourself and stay open. Challenge your brain to discover new information and in doing so you will expand your capacity for learning and for growing.

Certainly there are times when it is appropriate to walk away, to keep yourself safe from situations which will hurt you but you are the master of your life. Your brain works for you and just like a computer program needs constant updates to remain relevant, so does your brain.

Challenge yourself to take a step back from your conditioned way of reacting and make a new choice.

You truly have the chance to change your life forever by stepping forward and becoming the BOSS OF YOUR OWN LIFE!

7 Ways To Manage Mood Swings

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 3, 2016 | Emotions, Relationships

We have all experienced the ups and downs that life delivers; the disappointments that can cause us to doubt ourselves and question those around us; the joys when we succeed at something that is important to us and the sadness when we lose someone or something we love. These are a natural part of life and to be expected.

But what if you, or someone you know is like a yoyo, swinging from one mood to another on a constant or regular basis?

“I hate my moods, they never ask permission before they change”

Sure there is sometimes a physical cause such as PMT or other hormonal changes but beyond this there are a lot of people who are simply tossed around by every little thing that happens, trapped in a cycle of reaction that makes them exhausted and exhausting to be around.

“Beware of mood swings: If you don’t like me today, come back tomorrow”

Finding healthy ways to manage the way you see the world and the emotions that are caused by the way you think, is the key to a life of balance and happiness.

Assumptions Are The Enemy Of Possibility

We each have a unique perspective based on what we have learned, what we have experienced and what has been modelled to us. If you grew up in a family where everything that happened was a ‘disaster’ or where the response to an event was to assume ‘somebody is out to get me’ then you may see life as difficult, overwhelming and think that there is always something bad around the corner.

This sets you up for a pattern of negative thinking. For example, if you have applied for a new job and the company is taking its time to get back to you, you may automatically believe that they don’t like you and that you are not going to get the job. In truth you don’t have any information to go on and therefore assuming the worst is only going to make you anxious and off balance. So instead of pinning all your hopes on this one job, or worrying that you won’t get it, keep applying for other jobs as being proactive will keep you in control of your life and therefore your emotions. You may not get the first job but you will have created other options for yourself so that a minor disappointment will not send you off the rails.

“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between” – Maya Angelou

Its important to step back from your automatic tendency to think the worst and wait until you have real and tangible information before responding. Imagine you have a Rubik Cube in your hand and you are viewing each side from every angle. Now take the thing you are concerned about and do the same. It is a possibility that the outcome you imagine may become a reality but just as likely that the best case scenario will unfold or in fact anything in between. I truly believe that having a positive mindset and hoping for the best gives you the best possible chance of a happy outcome.

Your Past Does Not Dictate Your Future Unless You Let It

Just because your have experienced a particular outcome to an event in the past, doesn’t mean that the same will happen in the future. When you create generalisations based on previous experiences, you disempower yourself to take action at another time.

You may have met somebody for a coffee hoping that you might make a new friend or have a love connection. On this occasion, you discover you have nothing in common, the person is uninterested and cuts you short leaving you sitting alone in a cafe. Just because on this occasion the outcome was uncomfortable, doesn’t mean that you should give up as at another time, and with another person, you may discover exactly what you are looking for. Remember, if you don’t take action, nothing will happen.

“All generalisations are false, including this one” – Mark Twain

There Are Many Shades Between Black And White

I know many people who live in a world of black and white. Something is either good or bad, fantastic or a disaster. The problem with this ‘polarised’ way of thinking is that there is so much information that is being missed. There are many shades of grey between black and white and the truth of any situation is almost always found in the greyness.

To manage your emotions, you must step away from the extremes and look for the subtle nuances in between. A great way to do this is to imagine a situation from the opposite view. For example, you hear from a friend that they are breaking up with their partner. They have a lot to say about the faults in the other person and take no responsibility for their own part. You know this person well and have had times where you have fallen out over small issues. If you take a step back and put yourself in the shoes of the partner, then perhaps you can see that they have probably experienced the same sorts of issues as you have.

Whilst there are two sides to every story in truth those two sides are not black or white but shades of grey depending on where you stand in the story.

“Broaden your view of the world and you will discover possibilities that were previously hidden from you” – Allanah Hunt

Lighten Up And Laugh

Most people who experience extreme mood swings feel things very deeply and are intense individuals. Learning not to take everything so seriously, to let things be what they are and allowing them to evolve, is crucial if you want to find balance in your life.

If for example, you are heading to an important meeting and a bird poops on your head; you have a choice to react with panic, anger and desperation or you can see it as a good omen as they do in Italy. In fact, this seemingly dreadful event means wealth and good luck in Italian superstition and the bigger the poop, the more good fortune you will be blessed with. Learn to laugh at yourself and situations that would have previously caused you stress and you will find that your mood is improved and you cope better with life and the people around you.

“When you lose your ability to laugh, especially at yourself, you are no longer living but dying” – Starla Asher

There Is A Time To Walk Away

If you feel yourself becoming wound up and irritable, sometimes the best thing to do is walk away and regroup. You can do this without saying anything as long as you can accept that you may never have closure or a resolution to the situation, or you can ask for a few moments to gather your thoughts. Giving yourself a break to calm your thoughts and bring your breathing back to normal before responding will allow you to engage your brain rather than your heightened emotions.

“A lot of people end up unhappy because they make permanent decisions on temporary emotions”

Develop Strategies Ahead Of Time

Write a list of things that make you feel calm and learn them as you would your times tables. Having a strategy to relax and gain perspective when you start to feel overwhelmed or upset, ensures that you don’t spiral out of control.

If you feel yourself getting wound up, take a moment to mentally look at your list. What can you do right now to help you regain your balance? Sometimes it’s as simple as taking 5 minutes to listen to a piece of music, to have a cup of tea or to take a quick walk in the fresh air. Aim to include simple things that you can instantly connect to so that you have a great range of tools at your disposal to diffuse any tension or anxiety you feel.

Count To Ten

I used to hear this when I was a kid but it took on a new meaning for me when I found my emotions out of control and I said things I later regretted. Letting whatever is in your head out through your mouth without a time delay can spell disaster for your relationships.

The next time you find yourself with words on the tip of your tongue, take a moment to count to ten before letting them spill out for all to see. Words said in anger and frustration cannot be taken back and although people may forgive you they will never forget. Everyone has a breaking point and one day you may lose someone you truly value by speaking from your emotions rather than from love.

“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out”

Learn to manage your emotions and you will find yourself in a happier more balanced state. Not only will you feel and look better but you will be more connected with the people around you as they learn to trust you again.

How To Tame The Lion Within And Make Friends With Anxiety

by Allanah Hunt | Jan 25, 2016 | Emotions, Manifestation

Imagine you are suddenly standing in the middle of the Serengeti surrounded by unfamiliar trees and animals. As you look around you everything appears strange and you are more than slightly nervous. Now imagine that as you turn to look behind you, out of the corner of your eye you detect a slight movement and you know instantly that the King of the Jungle, Mr Lion himself is stalking you.

What will you do?

Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart is beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath.

Your automatic response is to flee, to run as fast as you possibly can and hope that somehow you will outrun the danger.

Fast forward to today. You are safe and sound in your home but suddenly you feel jittery and anxious. Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart starts beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath. You feel like you need to escape but there is no lion stalking you this time. And yet you feel like you are in danger …

The survival instinct that served our ancient ancestors is still alive and well within you. Just like the antelope and the deer have an inbuilt warning system that allows them to leap and run at the first sign of the lion’s presence, so we too needed the same to keep us safe.

The Chemistry Of Anxiety

You’ve probably heard of Adrenalin or Epinephrine – the hormone that is released in the body when we attempt a bungy-jump, a skydive, ride a roller coaster or when we stand at the top of the ski slope. Adrenalin is what causes your heart to speed up allowing you to take in more oxygen for the feat ahead. It is the chemical that makes you hyper focused on what is about to happen. It is designed to give you a quick ‘hit’ before disappearing as the threat of danger is reduced. Adrenalin junkies (a term for those who chase high risk sports and activities) enjoy the rush of this chemical in the same way that an addict gets ‘high’ on their chosen drug.

However, there is a second hormone which is released at the same time which takes longer to build up and longer to dissipate. Cortisol allows for sustained action should it be required and rather than giving you a quick high as Adrenalin does, it leaves you feeling ‘wrung out’ or anxious.

There are times even in our modern world when this ‘primitive’ alarm is activated, saving our lives or giving us the strength to save another. I remember a couple of occasions as a mother when one of my children had hurt themselves requiring immediate medical attention. In the moment of the event, I became calm, could think clearly and was able to take the appropriate action to ensure their safety. However, when the danger was over, thoughts of what could have happened started to lodge themselves in my mind. I suddenly felt exhausted and tearful needing to rest and recover. This is an example of the cycle of Adrenalin (the emergency button) and Cortisol, the slow releasing safety valve.

Most of the time we are perfectly safe in the ‘civilised’ world we have created. And yet, deep within us this primordial risk assessing system is till working to ensure our safety. It will respond to a threat or feeling of risk in exactly the same way as if you were about to be chased by that lion of ages past.

Your body responds to stress in the same way it would if you were being chased by a lion

We talk about stress as if it is something ‘out there’ but in reality your response to what happens out there determines your personal ability to deal with what we call stress. Some people seem to sail through life with minimal symptoms of stress whereas others are almost paralysed by a constant feeling of overwhelm. And for some people, a particular event or series of events are so painful that they develop long term anxiety which impacts every area of their life until they no longer feel joy or happiness.

When we feel pressured, the same primitive ‘flight or fight’ response that we needed so long ago to survive, is triggered. Adrenaline and Cortisol flood our body causing symptoms that we now refer to as ‘anxiety’. These can include sweating, hyper focus, shallow breathing and a quicker than usual heart beat. In some cases these symptoms can be mistaken for a heart attack, so severe can they appear.

But when you are in no real danger, why do you feel the need to flee? Why is every nerve ending alive and ready for action?And why is your heart beating as if it wants to escape from your chest?

The truth is that most of the ‘danger’ we perceive is provided by our thoughts.

We don’t know what the future will hold so we tell ourselves a ‘worst case scenario’ story. We feel rejected by someone and our sense of self worth drops leaving us feeling vulnerable. Or we place so much importance on another’s opinion of us that we become afraid to be ourselves.

“Most of the things we worry about never happen”

There are a myriad of circumstances that may elicit symptoms of stress. And if we focus on the outcomes we are most afraid of, we will perpetuate the cycle of hormone release such that the constant see-saw of symptoms eventually destroys the natural fall of Cortisol leaving us in a constant state of exhaustion, emotion and joylessness. For some people, a state of anxiety becomes their natural ‘default position’ and everything that happens around them becomes a threat. In such instances, specific strategies to ‘reset’ the normal pattern of hormone release are required for a return to wellness.

So what can you do when you feel those symptoms of anxiety rising in you?

Lets go back to our Serengeti moment with Mr Lion. Given that this is not your current reality, what can you learn from this scenario?

Imagine as you get that ‘need to flee’ feeling, that you are racing across the Serengeti and that Mr Lion is adrenalin. Look behind you and you will see that the Lion you believe is chasing you is actually a part of yourself.

Why would you be afraid of yourself?

Remind yourself that you are perfectly safe and slow down to catch your breath. Turn to face Mr Lion as he too slows to a casual walk before becoming smaller and smaller. Instead of the fierce and terrifying Lion you imagined was chasing you, there is nothing but a small kitten mewing quietly. Where in one moment you were afraid, now you feel compassion. You hold out your hand to your nemesis and gently encourage him to approach you. As you do so, your heart rate and breathing return to normal and you can see clearly again.

Take a moment to recognise the thoughts that were in your mind when you felt your anxiety rise and take a note for future reference. In most cases a pattern of thinking has been created by your responses to the events which occur around you and its these thought patterns which drive your anxiety. Your brain likes to categorise things so if one event elicits a particular response, then a similar event (or thought) will elicit the same response even if in fact it is very different.

The story of Mr Lion is a metaphor for your ability to short circuit any automatic anxiety which arises. It takes you from an emotional state where you can see nothing but problems into a logical one where you can discover solutions. Imprint this metaphor on your brain and become aware of your personal response to ‘stress’ so that you can recognise when that old primitive warning system has been switched on. With practice, you will learn new ways of responding to the events in your life, ways which are far more productive and allow you to step beyond your comfort zone without fear.

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