Allanah Hunt

7 Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills

by Allanah Hunt | Mar 2, 2016 | It's All About You, Relationships

We have two ears to hear but do we listen?

Most people are so busy trying to talk and tell the world how things are for them they never take the time to listen. You cannot learn anything new without listening; you will forever be trapped in your own reality. Remember your reality is created by your perceptions. Only by adding a new perspective can you open your mind to the possibility of something different. So listening is just about the most important skill you have. Notice I used the word ‘skill’. It is something we need to practise in order to truly connect with others and the world around us.

The biggest communication problem is that we do listen to reply not to understand ~ George Bernard Shaw

Just because you are in the same space as someone when they are talking does not mean you are listening to what they are saying. Active listening involves your ears to hear, your eyes to see and your heart to understand. In truth 90% of communication is unspoken so if you are only using your ears, you are missing almost all of what is being said behind the words.

I know plenty of people who don’t know how to listen. If you ask them what you’ve just said, they can repeat your words back to you – a small part of their brain is noticing that you are speaking and able to process the words – however, every other sense is engaged on the inward conversation they are having with themselves.

They believe they are having a conversation with you but in truth they are using your words simply as a tool to tell you even more about themselves.

In some cases, they are so oblivious to your presence you may not speak a word in 30 minutes or more and by the time you get a chance to speak, they are too busy to listen and must rush.

In their minds they just spent a lovely time in deep, meaningful conversation with you. They go away feeling refreshed and invigorated. Your experience is very different. You blow out the breath you have been holding, roll your eyes and thank the universe they have left. Listening to them has exhausted you. In actual fact they have sapped your energy leaving you drained and tired. Being with them does not add to your life.

If you have experienced this then you will know exactly what I mean. The question to ask yourself is;

“Am I truly listening to others or am I just formulating my next response?”

Here’s some ways to improve your listening skills and to truly hear those around you.

Practise Listening

Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you. Can you hear the birds singing, the sound of the car passing, the laughter of children playing, the rustle of the breeze in the trees? Focus on each sound and absorb it fully. As your mind wanders, give it a new sound to focus on. Practise this as often as you can. Wherever there are sounds to be heard – in the supermarket, in the car, at the school, in a business meeting, at the gym. Places that are inherently noisy are a great way to practise your skills. When there are sounds all around you, it can be very hard to listen.

Process The Sounds

Beyond the listening is the skill of processing the sounds. What would it be like to be the little bird in the nest that tweets for its mother? Or the mother who flies backwards and forwards all day long in search of food for her baby? The rustle of the leaves on the trees let us follow the movement of the air, the wind. Listen to its ebbs and flows for a few minutes. As the car passes your window on its way down the street, ask yourself where it might be going. Who is behind the wheel and what is their story? As you hear the children’s voices in the schoolyard, see if you can identify the game they are playing.

Listening In Action

Meet a friend for coffee and ask her about herself. Ask her for her opinion on something you know she is passionate about. Sit back and truly listen. Listen to the words; listen to her tone of voice. What did you learn about your friend that you never knew before?

Ask your child about their day and take the time to listen to the answer – all of the answer. In behind the words, which seem to spew forth in a constant stream, is their feeling about their day; the perceptions they have created about the way things are supposed to be. What are they not telling you? Have you failed to listen so many times they only tell you the exciting stuff to keep your interest? How are they really coping with school and life amongst their peers? If you do not listen fully, you may miss the quiet plea for help your child may expect you to hear. They may not have the words to tell you what life is like for them as they look to you for guidance.

Empathy In Motion

Empathy is the skill of listening with every part of you – taking every bit of information from all your sensors and really hearing what someone is saying (or not saying). Can you hear the pain behind the words? The passion, the enthusiasm, fear, bravado and joy? Can you hear the response they need from you?

Have you ever experienced a time when you have turned to a friend in your hour of need to find they are so self-absorbed they do not notice? That later when they find out through the grapevine that your father has just died, or you have been diagnosed with cancer, won a prestigious award, or been invited to present an important speech, they phone and ask why you didn’t say anything.

This is an example of the worst kind of communication but unfortunately its one many of us frequently engage in. No wonder they feel as isolated and alone as we do. Each of us is so engrossed in surviving our own dramas we cannot truly listen.

Use Your Intuition

Have you ever experienced what we could call a hunch? A little nagging feeling that you should be doing something? Have you ever been thinking about a friend and when the phone rings, it’s them? Ever had someone you haven’t seen for many years on your mind and then out of the blue you run into them in the street?

People call these coincidences but I believe this is your intuition speaking, that quiet little voice that can guide you safely through life if you only take the time to listen.

Take Time To Be In Silence

Even in the silence there is something to hear if you listen closely. The constant beating of your heart and the sound of your breathing is with you always. If you can hear these quiet, regular sounds that give you life, you will start to hear the world around you with a new intensity. The quieter your mind, the more you can hear.

Listen With Your Heart

Listening, as we have seen, is about so much more than using your ears. If you can learn to listen to the sounds in the silence, you will become more aware of the subtle changes in energy around you. As you do so, you will be listening with your heart. As you begin to tap into the essence within, you will find you have an abundance to share with those who walk alongside you. The world will look much clearer and you will feel connected to everything and everyone around you and you will finally listen to understand.

How To Tame The Lion Within And Make Friends With Anxiety

by Allanah Hunt | Jan 25, 2016 | Emotions, Manifestation

Imagine you are suddenly standing in the middle of the Serengeti surrounded by unfamiliar trees and animals. As you look around you everything appears strange and you are more than slightly nervous. Now imagine that as you turn to look behind you, out of the corner of your eye you detect a slight movement and you know instantly that the King of the Jungle, Mr Lion himself is stalking you.

What will you do?

Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart is beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath.

Your automatic response is to flee, to run as fast as you possibly can and hope that somehow you will outrun the danger.

Fast forward to today. You are safe and sound in your home but suddenly you feel jittery and anxious. Every nerve ending in your body is alive, your heart starts beating fast and you are struggling to catch your breath. You feel like you need to escape but there is no lion stalking you this time. And yet you feel like you are in danger …

The survival instinct that served our ancient ancestors is still alive and well within you. Just like the antelope and the deer have an inbuilt warning system that allows them to leap and run at the first sign of the lion’s presence, so we too needed the same to keep us safe.

The Chemistry Of Anxiety

You’ve probably heard of Adrenalin or Epinephrine – the hormone that is released in the body when we attempt a bungy-jump, a skydive, ride a roller coaster or when we stand at the top of the ski slope. Adrenalin is what causes your heart to speed up allowing you to take in more oxygen for the feat ahead. It is the chemical that makes you hyper focused on what is about to happen. It is designed to give you a quick ‘hit’ before disappearing as the threat of danger is reduced. Adrenalin junkies (a term for those who chase high risk sports and activities) enjoy the rush of this chemical in the same way that an addict gets ‘high’ on their chosen drug.

However, there is a second hormone which is released at the same time which takes longer to build up and longer to dissipate. Cortisol allows for sustained action should it be required and rather than giving you a quick high as Adrenalin does, it leaves you feeling ‘wrung out’ or anxious.

There are times even in our modern world when this ‘primitive’ alarm is activated, saving our lives or giving us the strength to save another. I remember a couple of occasions as a mother when one of my children had hurt themselves requiring immediate medical attention. In the moment of the event, I became calm, could think clearly and was able to take the appropriate action to ensure their safety. However, when the danger was over, thoughts of what could have happened started to lodge themselves in my mind. I suddenly felt exhausted and tearful needing to rest and recover. This is an example of the cycle of Adrenalin (the emergency button) and Cortisol, the slow releasing safety valve.

Most of the time we are perfectly safe in the ‘civilised’ world we have created. And yet, deep within us this primordial risk assessing system is till working to ensure our safety. It will respond to a threat or feeling of risk in exactly the same way as if you were about to be chased by that lion of ages past.

Your body responds to stress in the same way it would if you were being chased by a lion

We talk about stress as if it is something ‘out there’ but in reality your response to what happens out there determines your personal ability to deal with what we call stress. Some people seem to sail through life with minimal symptoms of stress whereas others are almost paralysed by a constant feeling of overwhelm. And for some people, a particular event or series of events are so painful that they develop long term anxiety which impacts every area of their life until they no longer feel joy or happiness.

When we feel pressured, the same primitive ‘flight or fight’ response that we needed so long ago to survive, is triggered. Adrenaline and Cortisol flood our body causing symptoms that we now refer to as ‘anxiety’. These can include sweating, hyper focus, shallow breathing and a quicker than usual heart beat. In some cases these symptoms can be mistaken for a heart attack, so severe can they appear.

But when you are in no real danger, why do you feel the need to flee? Why is every nerve ending alive and ready for action?And why is your heart beating as if it wants to escape from your chest?

The truth is that most of the ‘danger’ we perceive is provided by our thoughts.

We don’t know what the future will hold so we tell ourselves a ‘worst case scenario’ story. We feel rejected by someone and our sense of self worth drops leaving us feeling vulnerable. Or we place so much importance on another’s opinion of us that we become afraid to be ourselves.

“Most of the things we worry about never happen”

There are a myriad of circumstances that may elicit symptoms of stress. And if we focus on the outcomes we are most afraid of, we will perpetuate the cycle of hormone release such that the constant see-saw of symptoms eventually destroys the natural fall of Cortisol leaving us in a constant state of exhaustion, emotion and joylessness. For some people, a state of anxiety becomes their natural ‘default position’ and everything that happens around them becomes a threat. In such instances, specific strategies to ‘reset’ the normal pattern of hormone release are required for a return to wellness.

So what can you do when you feel those symptoms of anxiety rising in you?

Lets go back to our Serengeti moment with Mr Lion. Given that this is not your current reality, what can you learn from this scenario?

Imagine as you get that ‘need to flee’ feeling, that you are racing across the Serengeti and that Mr Lion is adrenalin. Look behind you and you will see that the Lion you believe is chasing you is actually a part of yourself.

Why would you be afraid of yourself?

Remind yourself that you are perfectly safe and slow down to catch your breath. Turn to face Mr Lion as he too slows to a casual walk before becoming smaller and smaller. Instead of the fierce and terrifying Lion you imagined was chasing you, there is nothing but a small kitten mewing quietly. Where in one moment you were afraid, now you feel compassion. You hold out your hand to your nemesis and gently encourage him to approach you. As you do so, your heart rate and breathing return to normal and you can see clearly again.

Take a moment to recognise the thoughts that were in your mind when you felt your anxiety rise and take a note for future reference. In most cases a pattern of thinking has been created by your responses to the events which occur around you and its these thought patterns which drive your anxiety. Your brain likes to categorise things so if one event elicits a particular response, then a similar event (or thought) will elicit the same response even if in fact it is very different.

The story of Mr Lion is a metaphor for your ability to short circuit any automatic anxiety which arises. It takes you from an emotional state where you can see nothing but problems into a logical one where you can discover solutions. Imprint this metaphor on your brain and become aware of your personal response to ‘stress’ so that you can recognise when that old primitive warning system has been switched on. With practice, you will learn new ways of responding to the events in your life, ways which are far more productive and allow you to step beyond your comfort zone without fear.

Does Your Life Feel Like Groundhog Day?

by Allanah Hunt | Jan 21, 2016 | Energy, Law of Attraction, Manifestation | 0 comments

A number of years ago a film was released called Groundhog Day and starring Bill Murray. Set in Pennsylvania, Murray plays a professionally unfulfilled weatherman sent to follow the annual Groundhog Day festivities that have been celebrated since 1887.

The dictionary defines Groundhog Day as ‘a situation where a set of unwelcome or tedious events seem to be recurring in exactly the same way’.

Do you feel like you’re living the same day over and over again?

The film is a comedy about a man who lives the same day over and over again. Every morning he wakes up to the same song on the radio and interacts with the same people in the same order in exactly the same way. It takes him a few days to figure out what is happening and each morning he awakes with hope for a new day. Inevitably he realises that he is stuck in a time loop and no matter what he does during the day, he wakes to repeat it again.

For a time he behaves erratically as he feels helpless to change the apparently endless cycle of repetitive events. However, eventually he takes a look at himself and decides that if he has to live the same day over and over again, he will live it well. He puts on a cheerful face and does what he can to help others. As he changes his thoughts about the day, his experience also changes. Eventually he learns what he needs to and he wakes to a new day.

Sometimes life can feel like Groundhog Day as we continue to create the events of our past in our current time. However, just like Bill Murray, the power to change your experience comes from you. If you are tired of living in a cycle of pain, rejection or anger, then you can do something about it. Your life is a direct result of the thoughts, words and actions you decide to take.

Freeing yourself from the pain of the past is as simple as changing your perception about it. Simple but not necessarily easy. It will take a concerted effort for the first little while but in time it can become an automatic part of how you think, speak and act. Master your thoughts and watch your world change. You will no longer relive Groundhog Day but will create new experiences filled with joy and freedom.

How would it feel to break the pattern?

5 Key Ways To Help Yourself Cope With Emotional Pain

by Allanah Hunt | Nov 3, 2015 | Emotions, It's All About You

When we are sick or hurt ourselves, we feel pain. It is the body’s way of letting us know something has changed or is out of balance. It lets us know we need to take some time to heal. We can choose to ignore the pain and hope it goes away, or we can seek advice to speed up the healing process.

In the same way, emotional pain is the brain’s way of letting us know something has changed. We can ignore it and hope it goes away or we can learn ways to heal ourselves and create anew. People say; ‘time heals all wounds’ and certainly as life moves on you will learn to live with the pain. But to truly heal your life you need to take action.

If you fractured your arm, you are unlikely to carry on with life as normal and just allow time to heal the break. Firstly you would be in intense pain for a long time and secondly, your arm would not heal correctly and become strong.

Emotional pain is the same. It is only as you turn and face your pain that you can heal your life. The great thing is that you already have all the power you need to do this; you just need to learn how to use it.

Here are 5 ways to get started:

1. Accept your feelings and don’t judge yourself for them. Pain is a normal part of life so allow yourself to feel.

2. Find someone you trust to talk to. Don’t bottle your feelings up inside as they will just get bigger. Sharing the load with someone who loves you, helps you to heal.

3. Don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings aren’t real. They are significant and important. Just remember that feeling alone doesn’t mean that no-one cares. And feeling sad doesn’t mean you will never be happy.

4. Don’t allow this pain to define you. You are more than this one moment in your life and things will change again soon enough. Embrace your creativity and explore new parts of yourself.

5. Write a list of things you are thankful for. If you do this often you will find your sense of balance again and start to move beyond the pain.

It is only as you take responsibility for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are.

5 Ways To Bring Your Dreams To Life

by Allanah Hunt | Aug 14, 2015 | It's All About You, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

Growing up with fairy tales, stories of heroes and mystical adventures, we are exposed to ideas that seem to bear little resemblance to the often mundane and responsibility filled experience of adulthood. The little girl who believed she would grow up and meet her handsome prince is somewhat demoralised when she discovers that in fact no-one is coming to rescue her. And the young boy who flew around his living room wearing his superhero cape soon discovers that the tools he needs in life are very different than those in the stories of his youth.

And today as we live in a world dominated by celebrities who seem to have it all we often think;

“Lucky them. If only I had their money, or their opportunities … then I would be happy. It’s okay for them but no-one is going to make that happen for me.”

Well that last statement is certainly true.

Nobody is going to come along and magically make your dreams come true.

But despite how it looks, that is not what happened for them either.

In order to make your ‘dreams come true’ you must first get clear about what they are. Most of us have an idle wish that passes through our mind from time to time. Things like:

“I wish I had a big house like that one” or “I wish I didn’t have to work for someone” or “I wish I could just go to the beach today”.

And most of us believe that these wishes, desires or ‘dreams’ could be solved by having more money. So we buy a lottery ticket and sit determinedly in front of the television hoping agains hope that tonight will be our night. This week my numbers will come up.

But what if you had a different view?

What if instead of waiting and wishing you got really clear about your dreams?

What if you turned your dreams into goals?

Not for one moment am I suggesting that you can go against the laws of the universe and suddenly start to fly but there are dreams we hold within our hearts that are achievable.

“If someone else can do it … why not you?”

I remember reading about Thomas Edison when he was working to create what we now call the light bulb. We never give a thought to this as we push a little switch which illuminates our world. But Mr Edison tried and failed 1000 times before he finally created this previously unknown little glow. And all around him were people saying that he was dreaming. That what he believed in was impossible. And it was to them. It was only through his absolute devotion to his belief that it could be done, and his determination to follow through no matter what, that we now have not only the light bulb but all the technology that the ‘impossibility’ of the light bulb has enabled us to see.

You may not wish to change the world like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein or Leonardo Di Vinci but what about making changes in your world?

What is it that you truly want? If you just have a passing fancy about something then that is all it will be. A wish, a fantasy and as real as a fairy tale. But if you have a passion for something and believe in it, then you have the power to bring it to life.

Visualise Your Life

One of the most important components to having your dreams come true is the ability to believe it. In order to believe in it, you must make it real for you. Close your eyes and imagine that your dream is reality. What does it look like? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it smell like? What does it feel like? Use all your five senses to bring your mind’s creation to life. What are you wearing whilst you are living your dream? Where do you live? What surrounds you? It is difficult to believe in an ideal but if you visualise yourself already living the life of your dreams, and bring this vision to life every day, then it will start to become real to you. Your brain cannot tell the difference between something ‘real’ and a dream unless you doubt its existence. And your wonderful brain only does as its told so if you bring your dream to life in your mind to such an extent that you can feel it in every cell in your body, then your brain will help you make it true.

Feel The Fear

Fear of failure keeps so many people from their dreams. Holding on to dreams gives us hope for the future but if we fail, we must give up on that dream. Sometimes the power of a dream is so strong that without it, we lose some of our sense of identity. If your sense of self is tied up with something ‘out there’ that you say you will achieve one day, but you do nothing about it, then you are likely to spend an enormous amount of time and effort making excuses or blaming outside influences for the failure of your dreams.

There are two types of fear. Paralysing fear and exhilarating fear. We see people jumping out of planes, paddling through rapids and throwing themselves off bridges with nothing but a rope attached to their ankles. These people are afraid but they use the fear to motivate them. Other people allow the fear to paralyse them. We all have a different level of comfort when it comes to taking a risk but you can work with your own and expand it by taking action steps which fall very close to your current comfort level. In time as you discover that in fact there is nothing to fear, you will begin to push the boundaries of what is possible for you.

Clarify Your Dream

You cannot create something new until you know what it is you want. So whether your dream is to become a successful musician, to run you own business or to become fit and healthy you need to be clear about how that looks. Sometimes when we ask ourselves the right questions, we discover that we are so focused on the way our life will look if our dream was true that we can’t actually see our path to get there. The gap between where you are and where you want to be is so big that it feel insurmountable.

What does being fit and healthy mean to you? Is it feeling better in yourself so that you can have a greater quality of life? Do you want to look like the models in magazines? Or do you want to look the way you did 10 years ago?

If you want to be a ‘successful’ musician, what does that success look like? Do you need to be famous and rich or is making a living singing in clubs successful?

When you get clear about the measure you are using for your dream, you can alter your parameters thereby allowing you to see it as a possibility rather than an impossibility.

Create Mini Dreams

A dream is not an easily achievable ideal otherwise you would have it already. The reason you have not achieved it yet is that it feels too big. Breaking your dream down into ‘mini-dreams’ brings it closer to you, allowing you to take action.

Your dream to be fit and healthy may involve a smaller dream of being able to go to a high street store and purchase a new dress off the rack in your size. Or it may involve being able to walk for 30 minutes without stopping.

Your dream of becoming a successful musician may start with the dream of securing a one off unpaid gig in your local pub or restaurant. It may even involve busking on the streets at the weekend and getting paid a few dollars over the course of each day.

To run your own business you may first need to get one client to fit in around your full time job or sell one product online.

When you achieve your mini-dreams the bigger picture doesn’t seem quite so far away.

Be Committed

Your dreams will be nothing more than a wish unless you take action toward them. Even if the action you take each day seems tiny, the fact that you are doing something will move your dreams ever closer. Keep a watch out for opportunities which exist around you that you may not have previously seen. It is only when we make something real that we can see possible ways to bring it to life.

In short, the things you are passionate about are coming from your true nature. Not the person the world wants you to be, or the person you thought you were supposed to be, but the person you truly desire to be. Some people say its your calling, your souls expression or your creative spirit shining through. Whatever definition you put around it, know that there is something in you that yearns for more than your current reality. Its up to you to clarify what that is, whether its something you actually want or just a passing whim and whether you are prepared to do what it takes to bring it to life.

Dreams really can come true.

If other people can make their dreams come true … why can’t you?

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