The 5 Languages Of Love

The 5 Languages Of Love

by | May 26, 2017 | Relationships

We all want to be loved.

And the opportunity to give love in return.

But what happens when the love you give is misunderstood or the love you receive doesn’t feel like love to you?

We give love to others in the way we wish to receive it but in many cases our desire to make someone else feel loved, backfires.

No matter how hard you work to show your partner how much you care about them, they just don’t feel loved

According to author Gary Chapman, there are 5 core love languages.

Each of us understand one of these languages but may completely misunderstand the other 4.

Learning the different languages and listening for the one that your partner understands can have a huge impact on your relationship. When you know what someone needs in order to feel loved, you can use words and actions to demonstrate your love in a way that they understand.

Speaking the language of love is a key component in avoiding misunderstandings, resentment and conflict. When we feel loved, we want to do more for the other person. And so the cycle of love grows and blossoms.

Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving – Gary Chapman

Which love language do you speak?

And which one does your partner speak?

Words Of Affirmation

One way to show love is to speak in a way that affirms the other person. You can do this by complimenting your partner.

“Your hair looks beautiful today”

“I love how you look in that suit”

“I love how you make me laugh”

Verbal appreciation is one of the most powerful languages of love there is.

When you pay someone a compliment it lets them know you see them.

That you notice them and appreciate them.

 Quality Time

Just because you live in the same house, doesn’t mean you spend quality time together. You may sit in front of the television together in the evening but there is a big difference between quantity and quality.

Quality time involves giving your undivided attention to your partner. Time without distractions and outside of your usual routine. Think back to when you were first dating. You wanted to know everything you could about them; you couldn’t get enough of each other.

But the busyness of life has a way of getting in the way of love. Or more correctly, the demonstration of love that we each need in order to feel appreciated.

If your partner’s primary love language is quality time, make the effort to go on a date, go for a walk by the beach or through your neighbourhood. Remove yourselves from the distraction of your routine and take the time to be completely present with each other. There is no surer way to reconnect and reignite your passion.

Receiving Gifts

Love is not about money but for some people, the act of giving is a key component in feeling loved. Valentines Day may have become overly commercial but the intention behind it is pure. It’s a chance for you to show your partner how much you love them through the giving and receiving of gifts.

But why wait until Valentines Day? When you give an unexpected gift, it lets your partner know that you have been thinking about them. That you know them well enough to find the perfect thing they will love. If your partner’s face lights up when you give them a gift, then you can be fairly sure this is part of their core love language.

Acts of Service

For some people the greatest demonstration of love is to see you do something you know they will appreciate. This may be as simple as cooking a meal once a week, or taking care of the kids for a few hours on a Saturday so your partner can have some time to themselves. Or it could be giving a foot massage, cooking a special meal or simply emptying the dishwasher.

This is not about stereotypes and role definition but about making the time to do something to make your partner’s load a little lighter. Making the effort to share the load really lets your partner know that you see how hard they work and that you are there for them.

Physical Touch

We have long known that physical touch is a powerful way of demonstrating love for your partner. Embracing, kissing, holding hands and sex are special acts which you do not share with anyone else. For some people, physical touch is vital. Without it, they don’t feel loved. Physical love allows these people to feel secure in their relationship with their partner.

It can be as simple as touching their hand as you walk through the room they are sitting in. Or a hug and a kiss each morning and evening as you leave and return to house. It doesn’t take much time or thought but can mean so much to your partner.

It is so easy to fall into routine with your partner and forget to show them how much you love and appreciate them.

But for a relationship to survive, both people must feel loved, seen, appreciated and secure. Without this, arguments and resentments can arise creating friction that runs like an undercurrent through your relationship. And when someone doesn’t feel secure and important to their partner, they may look for that feeling somewhere else.

Knowing your love language and discovering the love language your partner speaks, is a powerful way to transform your relationship and reignite those feelings of love that you are looking for.

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine

by | May 23, 2017 | Emotions, It's All About You

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine
Emotions | It's All About You
Allanah Hunt

How wonderful it is to laugh. It’s infectious.

When laughter is shared it bonds people together and creates intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body, It helps to strengthen your immune system, boost energy, diminish pain and protect against the harmful effects of stress, and it’s free!

Laughter is one of the fastest ways to bring balance back to your body and mind.

It lightens your burdens, brings hope and keeps you grounded, focused and alert.

Laughter triggers the release of endorphins in the body which makes you feel good. Humour helps you keep an optimistic attitude even through disappointments, loss and grief. More importantly it gives us the courage and strength to find new meaning and hope for the future. Even in the most difficult times, a laugh or even a smile will lift your mood. Laughter helps you be more spontaneous, and it lets you forget judgements, criticism and doubt. Your inhibitions are also reduced when you laugh giving you the chance to connect with the real you.

You’ve probably heard the saying ‘laughter is the best medicine’. Laughter really does help to heal your body and mind. The flow of lymph fluid is increased by the simple convulsions that occur when we laugh. This boosts immune system functionality and cleans out old dead and waste products from your organs. As you laugh you take in big gasps of air causing the oxygen levels in your blood to rise. This ensures all the organs in your body receive rich, oxygenated blood to repair tissue and provide healing. Studies have shown that cancer cells are destroyed in the presence of oxygen, as are certain parasites and bacteria.

Increasing the levels of oxygen in the body can help with both the healing and prevention of various diseases

Laughing boosts circulation due to the very fact that as you laugh, you are exercising your abdominal muscles, the muscles in your face and enhancing flexibility throughout the body. The harder you laugh, the greater this effect.

The skin is the biggest organ in your body and in times of stress our faces can look drawn and tired. Increasing the flow of oxygen to our skin will improve the colour, reduce wrinkles and improve the overall texture. Add to this the sparkle your eyes will have as you add joy to your life, and you will look and feel more attractive.

Serotonin is essential for balancing brain chemistry. It aids in fighting depression, compulsive and obsessive thinking and reduces the harmful effects of stress on the body. Serotonin is a naturally occurring chemical in the brain, however, in times of stress and grief the body’s ability to produce it can be severely reduced. Sunshine and laughter can aid the body in producing this chemical naturally thereby improving your mood and overall mindset.

Health Benefits of Laughter

  • Boosts Immunity
  • Lowers Stress Hormones
  • Decreases Pain
  • Relaxes Muscles
  • Prevents Heart Disease
  • Eases Anxiety and Fear
  • Relieves Stress
  • Enhances Resilience
  • Attracts People to Us
  • Helps Diffuse Conflict
  • Enhances Teamwork

Due to the significant difference healthy brain chemistry can make to your life, adding laughter on a daily basis makes a lot of sense. You can build laughter and joy into your everyday life in the same way you would add exercise. Easy ways to add joy include the following:

  • Watch a funny movie or television show
  • Share a good joke or funny story
  • Host a game night with friends
  • Play with a pet
  • Do something silly
  • Play with children
  • Seek out funny people
  • Do a fun activity (bowling, mine-golf, karaoke)
  • Go to a ‘laughter yoga’ class
  • Check out your bookstore humour section

When we are struggling with major adjustments we can take life much too seriously. Lighten your mood by adding some fun into your day. Choose to find the funny side of a situation.

 

  • Share your embarrassing moments and don’t take yourself so seriously
  • Look for the humour, the irony and absurdity of life in a bad situation
  • Keep a toy on your desk, a photo of you having fun or a funny poster in your office
  • Pay attention to children and emulate them

The ability to laugh, have fun and play with others not only makes life more enjoyable but it also makes you more creative helping you solve problems and connect with other people in your life. Life brings challenges which can either ‘get the best of you’ or which you can use to become ‘the best you can be’. When you become the problem and take yourself too seriously, it can be hard to think outside the box and find new solutions. When children are confused or afraid they make their problems into a game and thereby have the ability to step back and find creative solutions. We can learn a lot from the way children view life.

Hi, I'm Allanah, Author, Teacher, Manifestation Mentor and Empowerment Coach. My mission is to help you discover the power you have to create your life in a way that brings joy, happiness and freedom. I teach you how to harness the power of The Law of Attraction and bring yourself into alignment with those things you want to experience.

 

Check out my Abundance Accelerator Program

Why Do Men Pull Away When Their Woman Is Upset?

Why Do Men Pull Away When Their Woman Is Upset?

by | Apr 7, 2017 | Relationships

As women we often believe that if our partner’s truly loved us, they would be able to see when we are upset and want to protect and comfort us. Isn’t that what a man is supposed to do?

So when he pulls away, we tell ourselves he doesn’t love us

For a long time, I believed this to be true. I thought if I showed how upset I was, that my partner would give me the comfort I wanted. And the more he pulled away, the more upset I got. I truly expected him to follow me and do whatever he could to make me feel better.

It was only after a couple of failed relationships that I discovered the truth. And like any ‘truth’, it will not be universal to every man however, it is common to the majority.

A man needs his woman to be happy in order to feel like a man!

If you are miserable, he feels like he needs to fix you. Well the first time anyway.

But if no matter what he does, you are often upset, angry or emotional, he feels worthless and helpless. He truly feels threatened at a very deep level and will often do anything to avoid facing you or your emotions even going so far as to leave the relationship altogether.

What might feel like a series of temporary emotions to you, spells ongoing misery to him particularly if you are telling him you are upset because of something he has or hasn’t done.

As women we can struggle to recognise this as for most of us, seeing someone upset or crying brings out our maternal or empathetic side. We have a desire to comfort that sees us move toward rather than away from the person. For us, in many ways, this brings a closer connection with someone we care for.

But most men are wired very differently. They care at a very deep level but if they feel unable to ‘fix you’, they will often walk away rather than continue to experience feelings of helplessness or powerlessness

Men have an ability to compartmentalise different parts of their life in a way that sometimes I envy. So if it appears they are happily watching television even though you are clearly upset and wanting to talk, it’s because they can’t deal with how he feels when he sees and hears your emotions. He has simply decided to flick a switch in his brain as a way to escape.

Unfortunately, this defence feels like rejection to a woman. It feels rude, unfeeling and even like abandonment in some cases. It leaves us feeling unloved and invisible. And as we see actions as demonstrating the truth far more clearly than words, we convince ourselves that our partner just doesn’t care.

It might feel true for you but for your partner who loves you deeply, he feels misunderstood, misaligned and completely alone. He has nowhere to go with his feelings and so simply withdraws even further. And if he believes he can’t make you happy, he would rather let you go than continue to cause you pain.

The greatest gift you can ever give another person is your own happiness – Esther Hicks

When your man sees you happy, he will move towards you. He will want to bask in the reflection of your happiness as it makes him feel like a success. He will feel accepted and respected both of which are vital to a man’s sense of self-worth and his ability to truly be himself.

Now you may be thinking, ‘but I need to be myself too’. Why do I have to show a happy face when I’m annoyed or feeling hurt?

I’m not saying you can’t have emotions or that you can’t be honest about them. But when you bring those emotions into the space between you and your man, the chances are that you will not get the outcome you are hoping for. In going to him when you are emotional, he will feel attacked and immediately be on the defensive.

Imagine you had an issue with a colleague at work. If you were to spew your emotions across the boardroom table, would you be met with respect and understanding? Would this be a path to resolution?

While your relationship with your partner is far more intimate, and you may feel it’s a place to be ‘completely honest’, bringing your intense emotions to the table will not result in the understanding or respect you desire. Your words will not be heard above the feelings that will be triggered in your partner.

So the way to resolve issues between you is to learn healthy ways to manage your own emotions so that you can have a rational and balanced discussion about what is bothering you. When you are in balance, you can address the issues in a calm manner which will encourage conversation. And remember that any conversation is a two-way street. If you want him to listen to your point of view, then you must be prepared to hear his in return even if it feels uncomfortable.

In this way you give and receive respect. Two people who love each other and who choose to navigate the trials of a life together. Never forget that your partner has emotions too. Just because he doesn’t express them in a way that you recognise, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

With a strong base your partner will feel able to comfort you when you truly need it. In those times when life throws you a curve ball, he will want to be your rock. And he will turn to you when things are difficult for him too.

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Sharing the highs and lows of life in a supportive and loving way is a gift beyond compare. A gift you can give to your partner and one you can receive in return.

Why Personal Development Is Vital For Success

Why Personal Development Is Vital For Success

by | Apr 6, 2017 | It's All About You, Law of Attraction, Manifestation

There is only one person who is responsible for your success and that person is you. So if you’ve got to a certain point in your career or your business and you feel like you’ve hit the ceiling of what is possible, think again.

“The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result” – Albert Einstein

Smart man Mr Einstein!

And here’s what another smart and hugely successful man had to say on the subject.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” – Henry T Ford

What is the key message in these quotes?

That doing the same thing will produce the same result.

Eureka!

(Archimedes, another very smart man said this when the truth of a situation dawned on him)

Okay, got it!

But how does this apply to you?

Lets say you want a different outcome from your current reality.

Perhaps you want to be promoted.

Maybe you want to make more money.

Or perhaps, you want to take your business to the next level.

You’ve tried everything you know how to do but nothing seems to work.

There is only one thing left to do … something DIFFERENT!

Here’s Mr Einstein again:

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them” – Albert Einstein

Knowledge is power but your current understandings will only take you so far.

To go beyond your current reality, beyond your existing results, you must learn something new.

But you already know this, right?

If you’re a driven and already successful person, you’ve probably invested in your education.

You’ve probably undertaken every up-skilling course within your chosen industry.

You’ve probably engaged in self-learning to expand your knowledge

“What else can I do?”, you might ask.

Are you ready for another Eureka moment?

If your success is completely dependent on you, then the one thing you must work on, is YOU.

“Success is not dependent on what you know but on who decide to become” – Allanah Hunt

What makes the most successful people in the world different from the rest?

Why do some people seem to find gold everywhere they look whilst others only find a dead end?

It’s who they have trained themselves to be.

It’s the daily habits they have cultivated

In short … its Personal Development

Food & Exercise

Moving your body, moves your mind. Imagine your body as a huge network of electrical circuits. For best results you must keep the conductors polished, the wires clean and the pathways clear. If any of the conduits become blocked or inhibited, the supply of power and the efficiency of the machine are impacted.

The same is true for you. If your body is not finely tuned and provided with the correct fuel, your mind will not work as efficiently and powerfully as it could.

In the same way that updating a circuit board in a computer hard-drive supplies new messages to the software, learning new concepts and acting on them requires a clear path for delivery. Acting differently on a consistent basis involves a change at a cellular level. You cannot receive a new message whilst your electrical pathways are inhibited.

Meditation

Your conscious mind is a constant hive of activity. It is like a probe that is continuously searching for information, digesting and cataloguing everything it sees. And it does a great job of keeping you organised.

However, your real power lies in your deeper levels of consciousness. Your subconscious and your unconscious mind hold everything you inherently understand about the world and your place within it. These levels drive your behaviour, they provide your motivation and they tell your conscious mind what to look for.

Meditating daily connects you with the wisest and best parts of yourself. It allows you to access the reasons you do what you do and allows you to alter your programming for greater success.

All the most successful people in the world add meditation to their daily practice.

Finding Your Motivation

What is your true motivation for doing what you do? Why do you want to be more successful?

Getting clear on what motivates you can be mean the difference between mediocre and magnificent.

If your motivation is to receive validation from others, to be ‘seen’ as successful, to feel more important and improve your sense of self-worth, then eventually you will become exhausted and demoralised when people fail to recognise your achievements.

For you to push through what you already understand, you must find a motivation from deep within yourself.

It must be a non-negotiable.

It must be important enough to drive your behaviour.

It must matter at your deepest core

A great way to discover this is to write two lists.

List One – What will happen when I achieve my goals

List Two – What would happen if I don’t achieve my goals

It is usually the second list that really helps you get clear about what success means to you.

Goal Setting

Goal setting is more than having an idea of what you would like to achieve.

It’s a road map. It is a blueprint for building upon.

Your goals must be concise, clear, achievable and realistic. You must put numbers and timescales around them, specific measurable parameters which you can chart and implement.

And without clear goals, you will never achieve the success you desire.

“Failure to plan is planning to fail” – Benjamin Franklin

Self-Belief

You can never go beyond what you believe is possible for you.

It’s not enough to say the words, to pay lip-service to what you want to achieve. You must develop and cultivate a vision for your life, a vision for your success that is as real to you as breathing.

If someone else can do it, why can’t you?

Self-belief is at the core of every achievement, every successful endeavour and without it, you might as well sit on your hands and save yourself the effort.

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda

When your self-belief is strong, when it is real and tangible, success is the natural byproduct.

We all know that success takes work. We know that dedication and tenacity are key drivers of success. But these on their own will not deliver the results you are looking for.

We all know people who work hard, are dedicated and tenacious and yet they never achieve the success they desire, and no doubt deserve. They often become bitter and resentful for others’ success and give up on their dreams

Don’t let that be you.

Follow instead the men and women who have found success. The ones who have had the courage to look at themselves in the mirror, to be honest about who they are and what they want and who have done whatever they needed to, to follow the path to success.

Go beyond your conscious mind and discover the truth about yourself. Add to your understanding, reprogram your thoughts and change your behaviour.

Only then will you uncover your true potential.

Only then will you see the results you want, show up around you.

Only by doing something differently can you alter your current reality

5 Key Ways To Improve Empathy

5 Key Ways To Improve Empathy

by | Mar 25, 2017 | Emotions, Relationships

Empathy is a very important skill.  It helps us develop deep levels of rapport and trust, both of which are vital for the success of our relationships as well as our interactions in the workplace. Having poor empathy skills can lead to unnecessary conflict born out of misunderstandings.

In business, the key component to our success is understanding the needs of our clients, patients, customers or staff. If we don’t focus on ‘putting ourselves in their shoes’, we will make catastrophic mistakes which can lead to failure.

The dictionary describes empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”.

Understanding the importance of empathy and employing those skills are two different things. It is only when we act with true empathy that we can create connections that are long lasting and real.

There are some instances where acting with empathy can feel overwhelming. It is important to learn how to balance our empathy for others with the need to take care of ourselves or we will burn out completely.

So what can we do to build empathy skills and improve our relationships with those around us?

Pay Close Attention

This might seem like a no-brainer but in truth, we are often so distracted by our mobile devices, what is showing on the television or our need to tell our own story, that we don’t really notice what someone is telling us. Just because you hear the words someone is saying, doesn’t mean you’ve heard them. Improving your listening skills will help you pay more attention to others and allow you to pick up on the emotions behind the words.

A great way to raise your ability to pay attention is to watch television with the sound off. In this way you can watch the interplay of emotions between the various characters and learn to pick up cues which will help you follow the story.

Distance Yourself From Stereotypes And Find Commonalities

We all have pre-conceived ideas about others based on the media, our peers and our own observations. But when it comes to individual interactions, we must put those aside and find a way to connect with others.

The best way to build a connection is to meet people where they are. Everyone has a story and if you take the time to listen, you might be surprised at what you discover. Sometimes the people we understand the least have the most to teach us.

Agree to Disagree

There may be occasions when you don’t agree with someone else’s view of a specific situation but where you can nonetheless recognise that empathy is required. This is particularly important when somebody is having a strong emotion and asking you to do something you can’t do.

Sometimes all that’s required is to listen and convey what is called cognitive empathy. It is possible to be authentically empathetic to show you understand what they are experiencing without having to agree.

Learn How To Respond

It can be very difficult to know what to say in response to someone, and to determine when to keep quiet and when to speak. Learning how to respond takes practice but a good rule of thumb is to simply acknowledge their feelings without giving advice. This is a hard one but the art of empathy is largely about ensuring that someone feels heard.

Practice saying statements such as, ‘I’m sorry this happened to you’. Say it several times to yourself in the mirror so that you can see the expression on your face when you speak. Watch empathetic leaders to listen to the tone of voice they use as well as their facial expressions.

In order to truly connect with others, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable and potentially show emotion in response to theirs. It is not enough to put on a face or modulate your tone of voice. Empathy is conveyed through feeling rather than the words we use.

Strengthen Your Connection With Yourself

It is impossible to show empathy to others if you don’t have a strong connection with yourself first. As you show empathy to yourself, you will develop the ability to truly connect with other people’s emotions in a way that adds kindness, compassion and understanding to their situation.

Think about times when you have faced a difficult situation and what you might have needed at that time. Did your friends and family show empathy? What did that look like? What made you feel supported or unsupported? If you felt unsupported, what empathy did you show to yourself that helped you overcome your own difficulties? As you explore this, you will begin to put together a clear picture of how empathy can help others.

Empathy is a multi-faceted skill that will require practice and the ability to be flexible. Not everyone will want the same response from you so it’s important to be able to recognise subtle nuances in someone’s posture, facial expressions and tone of voice. And it’s just as important to become aware of the time when even though someone seems to be emotional, they may not wish to interact with you.

Pin It on Pinterest

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

Close