Sometimes It’s More Painful

to stay exactly where you are than to take a leap to somewhere new ~ Allanah Hunt

You Could Say I’ve Been Through A Lot In My Lifetime

That statement certainly felt true to me for a very long time. In fact for over 30 years, I played the blame game. It was a game I couldn’t win but I had identified so strongly with my story that I didn’t know how else to be.

Don’t get me wrong. My experiences were very real and they left deep wounds that seemed impossible to heal.

For many years I held on to my story. You could say I had good reason to.

But there came a point when I grew tired of repeating painful patterns. I got tired of losing over and over again.

On a desperate day I took a good hard look in the mirror and asked myself a very difficult question;

“What’s the common denominator in all these experiences?”

The answer was tough to accept but it was a truth that changed my life forever.

The common denominator was me.

Yes, stuff happened to me when I was too young to do anything about it. 

Yes, those experienced shaped me into who I had become.

And although the experiences I created as an adult were driven by the patterns of the past, I could either keep going round and round in circles creating one painful experience after another while blaming others for my reality or …

I could take ownership of my life and learn how to create something different

Your Story Has Shaped You

but it’s not who you are ~ Allanah Hunt

I’d been hiding behind the story I’d been telling myself

A story that was keeping me stuck. A story that was killing me …

A story that included:

• Being raised by a single parent
• 15 formative years in a strict religious church
• Childhood trauma/abuse
• Bullying
• Teenage pregnancy and marriage
• Divorce
• Broken relationships
• Business collapse
• Near bancruptcy
• Depression and debilitating anxiety

It’s a true story and my earliest experiences taught me a lot.

I learned I was unloveable, invisible and that I had no value

I learned people were cruel, untrustworthy, and that even when I tried my best, it wasn’t enough.

I learned I deserved to be punished

I learned I was ugly, stupid, unacceptable, a nuisance, an embarrassment, a freak, a weirdo, somebody no-one could like …

As a result I expected to be rejected. I expected to be punished. I expected to be hurt.

Life taught me I had no power, that it wasn’t safe to be me and that I needed to protect myself at all costs.

The lessons I had learned early in life had created expectations that were showing up in my attitude, responses, behavior and choices and ultimately creating my reality

You Will Always See

what you expect to see ~ Allanah Hunt

There were lots of wonderful experiences too …

We live in a world of contrasts. For every hot there is cold. For every big there is small. And that for every painful experience there are others that are joyful.

But because our strongest emotions create our strongest memories, many of the wonderful experiences that could provide balance to the painful ones, are ones we don’t remember.

So the things we learn become our truths. They become the foundation of our ‘way of being’.

My ‘way of being’ created results that felt devastating to me. I experienced loss over and over again in every area of my life.

The truths I had learned were deeply ingrained and playing on a loop in the background of my life. I was making choices in the hope that this time the results would be different. But despite the circumstances looking different, the patterns played out each and every time.

I was walking the world with gaping wounds I was hoping something or someone would fill

I leapt from thing to thing in my search for someone or something that would make everything  better. But deep in the cells of my body I held truths that made it impossible for me to succeed.

I attracted people who had their own pain. People who were looking for me to fill their wounds. People who’s responses to me triggered my feelings of being unloveable, invisible and valueless.

It was a recipe for disaster and it cost me almost everything …

It’s Only As You Take Ownership

for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are ~ Allanah Hunt

So I pushed pause on my life and stopped running

It wasn’t easy. At times it was seriously painful. But I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure my future would be different from my past.

It felt like a life or death decision to me.

My search for personal power and freedom took me on a journey of discovery.

I watched the movie ‘The Secret’ and was fascinated with the concept of the Law of Attraction. At the time I didn’t really understand how it worked or how to make it work for me but it stayed with me as I clung to the hope that I had the power to create the life I wanted.

In my search …

I learned that the only way to create what I wanted was to take responsibility for where I was.

I began to see the connections between the way I was ‘being’ and the results that were showing up in my life. 

I learned that although it wasn’t my fault, the only one who could reshape my life was me.

I began to recognize the patterns that were playing on a loop in the background and to question my responses when I felt my emotions begin to rise.

I experimented by altering the way I was showing up with people and paid attention to the responses that came back.

I adjusted my way of being and watched closely as everything began to change.

Volitile relationships became calmer and I attracted new people into my life. I discovered my power to shape my experiences by altering my perception of what I saw.

Instead of seeing people who were cruel, I saw kindness. Instead of seeing rejection, I saw the places I was deeply accepted. I discovered that as I became more accepting and compassionate with others, I became more accepting and compassionate of myself.

And that acceptance and compassion allowed me to release the painful emotions I had been holding in my body for so many years. 

I discovered that what I had learned early in my life was not true.

I recognized that it was my deeply held unconscious expectations that had delivered exactly what I expected to see.

It was my belief in the ‘truths’ I had learned that was shaping my reality and I had the power to build a new foundation of truth. I realized that I was literally shaping my reality in each and every moment.

Every time I felt the old emotions begin to rise (triggers) I stopped, took a step back and looked again. I expanded my view beyond the confines of my own experience and became curious.

It wasn’t easy to step away from the story I had identified so strongly with. But the freedom I gained as I allowed it to fade was incredible. I felt lighter. I felt alive in a way I never had before.

And people noticed. People I had known for years commented on how calm I was. How different I was.

Everything in my life began to shift. The more I practised being different, the more everything became different.

I didn’t change. I didn’t become someone new.

As I shifted my perception and allowed new truths to reveal themselves, I simply became more of who I am. I became more real and more genuine.

I shed my fears, stopped protecting myself and embraced my personal power and freedom to create whatever I want.

Today my life looks nothing like it did before. I have freed myself from the triggers that used to control me. I have wonderful relationships that grow stronger every day. I live between two countries and work with people all over the world.

I have created a life that I love and you can too …

You can uncover the stories that are playing in the background and free yourself to embrace the life you truly want!

Are You Ready?

to embrace your personal power and live the life you want to live?